Making time:

We are all given 24 hours to each day.

I respectfully disagree with this saying. I know, I know, I complain a lot about being bored at school. It's true. Sometimes, I'm so bored I start bleeding simply from boredom. But once the bell rings at 4:15, and I flee school, I never have enough time to anything. It is a huge contradiction that I haven't been able to solve.

I am a man of many talents, interests and hobbies. I mean, none of them are really talented or interesting, or hobbits, but I need a certain amount of time to devote to each of them. Since I first arrived in Japan, I've been struggling to keep up, especially with my co-curricular weekend and alcohol commitments. It hasn't helped how I have picked up some new hobbies, such as balcony gardening and pet-keeping, playing darts, ukulele, and the biggest mistake of all: buying a computer. Soon, I will also start weekly Japanese lessons with a tutor- who will give me homework.

Something had to give, but there are no expendable hobbits. I couldn't possibly give my guitar or computer away, stop playing basketball twice a week, eat out every night, or neglect cleaning my apartment. And I couldn't forget the occasional weblog entry. I spent hours and hours, for weeks on end, trying to think of a way to create more time in the day. It looked hopeless.

Then, one day I came home after school. I was famished because the school lunch was sparse; it contained a bunch of dead river fishes on a plate, and some smaller ones swimming upside down in the soup. I thought long and hard about this too. I have always been raised like a war-child, eating your meal as if you don't know if there will be a next. Sure, I went through a "hiding the broccoli in the pot plant" phase, but that didn't last. So, in Japan, I always did my best to finish the crap that is sometimes served at school lunches. One week- there must have a mistake in the ordering of the ingredients, and someone added a few zeros to the amount of 'small gruesome river fish' quota- we had fish with everything. There were tiny dead fish of 80% eye-ball mixed into the rice. There were toothy fish of 70% bone, and 20% dry burnt skin sitting on a plate. Even the usually safe miso soup contained more fishes in the murky depths of the bowl.

I am not a vegetarian (anymore), but I have developed very strong feelings about eating whole animals. These river fishes are not filleted. They are simply caught, and cooked. Most people eat the heads too. That's their choice. My feeling is though, I don't particularly want to be eating everything: the eyeballs, the teeth, the eyeball fluid, the spinal fluid, the genitalia, and so on. More than that, the last meal that the small river fish ate- probably water insects- are still somewhere in its digestive system. Worst of all, you are eating what the fish was about to poop out, before life was swiftly taken from it. If you eat the whole fish, you are a shit-eater.

So, I made a decision to eat like a peacetime civilian, and started hiding the fishes in the pot plants. Some days, I can go to the convenience store for a burger instead, but other days, I am left feeling quite hungry when I came home.

On that fateful day, I came home familiarly hungry. For some reason, I decided to just start cooking. I was chopping garlic at 4:28, mixing the batter at 4:30, chopping cabbage at 4:31. By 4:45, I had made myself a pretty decent okonmiyaki. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Okonomiyaki). I ate, watched some T.V., did dishes, took a dump and brushed my teeth... all before 5:30!

I now had 7plus hours to do stuff! This is my solution. That night I did some stuff, and then I went out to dinner again at 9pm, and went drinking. Maybe that wasn't the most constructive way to spend my newly-discovered time, but the principle is sound.

Miss Dough.

My new favourite place. It's Mr. Donuts (contracted to "Misdo" in Japanese), where they have all-you-can-drink coffee, average doughnuts and terrible music. Sure the atmosphere is only slightly better than McDonalds, but it is a great place to sit, write and email people (by phone). Closing time is at 8pm, so it is ideal for my new routine to go for dessert and coffee. Yesterday, I stayed until closing time. Yes, I am hardcore. The last 3 days I have gone there, for a total of 7 hours. I am starting to wonder if there is "anything" in the doughnuts, but for the while, things are working out well.

I mean, if I can now afford 7 hours at a café, and still have time to write this piece of crap today, you know everything will be okay. Also, since all the kids are doing it these days, I've been trying to put some photos online. I know how most people prefer to just look at the pictures, so some of my newly-made free time will go towards this too. http://s189.photobucket.com/albums/z70/ruvaman/

Variety

Sometimes one moment can define a lifetime. This was such an epic moment. The moment I said "schlong" in front of hundreds of people.

It all began about five years ago. One night, a little boy was watching the television much past his bedtime. A young, easily influenced boy watching late-night television. The T.V. show was 'The Late Show with David Letterman', and the little boy was none other than myself. A segment on the show came on, (the intro by none other than Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra), "Stupid Human... TRIIIIIICKSSSS AH!". I edged closer to the screen, as a geeky guy was interviewed by Letterman. He was a Canadian nuclear physicist student, and his stupid human trick was to juggle 2 balls while climbing through a tennis racquet.

Being someone who likes doing anything stupid, I watched in awe. I knew then that I wanted to be that geek.

The timing was perfect, as it was less than a few months before my school (and the Girls College, combined) talent show. Our schools were rather prestigious places, and these talent shows included some future professional musicians, dancers, singers and composers. It also included me.

I had never done anything like this before. I mean, had cut the strings out of my tennis racquet and practiced the stupid human trick, but I was not a performer. In front of a crowd of about one-thousand, and sandwiched between truly talented people, I pulled off the feat. It turns out that I was the most talked about the day after, and the most remembered act. I met people 4 years later while at University who remembered me for the act .

It was an epic moment, but I think, I have finally topped it.

Every year, the Toyama JET's put on a big Charity Show. This year it was a production of Peter Pan. I originally joined in, but soon realised that this required actual work, and time commitment. Luckily, the charity show included a "Variety Show". I had just the act to add some variety. I didn't even need to pretend that I had talent. It was all laid out before me.
The director, upon hearing I had an act involving a tennis racquet, requested I also play the ukulele. (I played a terrible version of "no Woman no cry" at the audition for Peter Pan) However, I own possibly the cheapest playable ukulele alive, which I have seen in toy stores, and my playing ability doesn't even do the toy justice. I was not going to do a serious song, so I turned my hand at song writing. This is what I came up with:

Deinternationalisation.

The idea came to me over the last 10 months of being stereotyped. I've said it many times, but I am offensively foreign. To prove my point, here is a page from my Junior High School Textbook, one of the main textbooks in the Japanese curriculum.

His name is Mr. Brown, an ALT. This is me! If someone were to draw me as a Japanese cartoon, this is what I'd look like. Seriously. I should really ask for royalties from the publisher. One of the reasons for the JET program existing, is to dispel the myth of the forigner that IS me, and show the diversity of the outside world and its inhabitants. So, my song is about how not all foreigners are tall blond blue eyed freaks who can't eat fish or natto and only eat bread. Except, that is me.

I won't give it away and write the lyrics down, but once the video is completed of the show, I will try and show it. It might even become my first single.

However, I said the word, "schlong" infront of hundreds of people. Many of whom couldn't understand why the rest of the crowd were laughing. It was so perfect. An epic moment that will not be soon forgotten in these parts.

For now, here is a video a friend took of me during the juggling part of the show. Including where I nearly dropped the ball. Watch out for it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5VzjdAjwzc