Life as a professional educator in Japan
So you think just anyone can do what I do? "What qualities does Ruben possess that I don't?", you're thinking. Maybe you've even decided you want to come to Japan too… Whatever. I realise that so far, I haven't detailed my job much past "sharpening pencils". There is, naturally, much more that I do in a working week, although pencil sharpening is a large part of what I do. (This is not to say that I am entrusted to sharpen pencils belonging to my colleagues. Not yet anyhow.)
The average working week begins on Monday. Yes, Japan has the same days of the week that most English speaking countries have. I snooze both my alarms a minimum of 5 times. I usually breakfast on bread, which, as all Japanese people know, is what all foreigners have. I also, unusually for Japan, shower in the morning. They can make a pet robot dog, but the Japanese have still yet to uncover the simple pleasure of a morning shower, (for oneself, and nearby others).
I arrive at school, 10 minutes late, and 40 minutes later than all teachers, office ladies, lunch-ladies, school nurses, gardeners, pool guys, and all students. Yes, the students all come to school a full hour before any classes start. Don't ask me; I don't know what they do either. If I had to guess, I would think they would be getting a few hours of work in at a sweatshop. I mean, you don't just become the 2 nd largest economy in the world by accident.)
Two mornings a week I "teach" at different elementary schools. I used the "Sarcastic Speech Marks", because I firmly believe that you can't possibly learn a language in one class per month. It would be like trying to lose weight by dieting one day per week. So I figure that my main responsibility is to entertain, under the guise of education. This month, being December, I have been playing "we wish you a merry Christmas" on the guitar. It is one of the less cheesy x-mas songs around, but trust me, after playing it 5 times over in 4 different classes, it gets mightily annoying. I mean, that is nearly 15 times in one morning. But then, what would Christmas be without the Christmas carol-induced psychotic fantasies?
I do have a small anecdote about teaching at elementary schools. I don't mean to brag, but this story does prove that I am in fact, the greatest teacher in the world. I was "teaching" animal names. The cards I used happened to include a dragonfly. This is quite a rare word for Japanese kids, so it took quite a bit of explaining. I then broke the word up. "Dragon", I said. "Dragon Ball Z" shouted the majority of the boys. "Fly", I said, as I lifted a clenched fist into the air, opened my hand, and a fly escaped. It was surreal. What happened was, while the boys were showing off their English by shouting out "Dragon Ball Z", a fly happened to land just in front of me. I seized the opportunity, and the fly. The effect of releasing that fly was electric. The class broke out into spontaneous applause.
Now ask yourself: "can I really do what Ruben does?"
The majority of my week is spent at a middle school of 13-15 year olds. These classes are what most people on the Jet Programme do. Basically, we sit in on English classes where a Japanese English Teacher teaches rigidly from a bad textbook. The foreigner (that would be me), reads aloud deep and meaningful passages and dialogues from this textbook. I don't mind doing this so much. It is much like a poetry recital. Here is an actual piece of text:
Jim: Hi Yuki.
Yuki: Hello Jim.
Jim: Yuki, you look great in that sweater.
Yuki: Oh, no… not really.
(this is the 2nd stanza)
Yuki: Mike, can I ask a question?
Mike: Sure. What is it?
Yuki: Well, Jim is always saying nice things to me. Is he in love with me?
Mike: Oh, … I don't know. Maybe he's just very polite.
Do you see what I mean? It is very much like poetry, only poetry is much more subtle. At this school I also teach my own classes. Not on my own, but I do have creative control. Its like being the actor/director, but you don't own the movie. For these classes, the students want to just play games and have fun, and the teachers want me to help them practice what we learned earlier. My students are too young to be taught pickup-lines, so my solution is to entertain everyone, including the teacher. What can I say? Its what I do. I often bring my guitar to play some songs, I will do card tricks if I need to. And if all else fails, they can line up to stroke my hair.
But mostly, since I am not a real teacher in anyone's eyes, I sit around at my desk. I have had whole days where all I do, professionally, is consume lunch. That is fine by me, as the school lunches are fantastic at my school. You get 3 bowls of either rice, bread, soup, meat, fruit, salad, fried stuff, and always we get a small carton of milk.
Also, once per week, I teach an afternoon at a kindergarten. I rotate between 4 different schools in my town. This means, that I teach every singe child under 15 who lives in this town. I am probably the only foreigner they know, apart from the guy I replaced… although, to be honest, I'm not sure that many people realise that I'm a different guy. I'm still called "Nathan" on a regular basis. I guess they have a point: all foreigners do look the same.
Anyhow. The kindergarten classes. These are the highlight of my professional week. Sure, most of the kids don't know the difference between Nathan and me, but then, they probably couldn't pick their own father out of a police line-up. I show up and entertain them for half an hour. However, they are so young and cute, they probably entertain me more. Like when I said I'm from New Zealand. "Disneyland!!!" they cried out in jealousy at my country of birth… Then they invite me back after 10 minutes to have snacks. Also, I get a 2 nd carton of milk this day. It really is the best day of the week.
I hope now that I have explained my professional life, you all have a better idea of what my job entails, and that you have gained a much deeper respect for me, and what I do.
…
… No, I thought not.
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