The Even Greater Tokyo Region

Orange Man Conspiracy

A few years back, I was in Holland, minding my own business, like I often do, when all of a sudden, I saw an orange man caught my attention. I don't actually remember the moment I am recounting wistfully, but basically, I felt like I had seen him before.
(By the way, the Dutch text says: "I sit in your bumper". Yeah.)

So I immediately went to the google-machine and dug up the following picture.
(Note the Douchebag "this guy!" pose.)

The first guy is the Dutch recycling mascot, and the second one is the New Zealand electoral office mascot. This was all getting too real for me. I had to expose this information to the rest of the world, but how? So, I bided my time, that is if "biding" means something similar to "minding your own business" , because as I've stated, I tend to do that a lot.

It took nearly two years, but with the power of the Canta Magazine franchise behind me, and in the election season in New Zealand, the time was ripe.

http://canta.co.nz/columns/advice-from-a-naked-orange-man/
(Note that in the print edition, both images were published.)

Anyway, because I take my journalistic ethics very seriously, I did not want to speculate further about how much deeper this conspiracy could go. That's what the internet is for. How about:

Oompa Lumpa. Yeah, it's a little obvious. But you can't expect to have a serious conversation about orange people without mentioning them.



Okay, this one is pretty obvious too. I watch my fair share of late night television, so a "Snooki is Orange" joke shouldn't come as much of a surprise to anyone.


Likewise, I watch The Daily Show, so a "John Boehner is Orange" joke is practically a given.

This is Roark Junior, also known as the Yellow Bastard from Sin City, who is famous for having Bruce Willis shoot him in his penis, and later having his face punched repeatedly until "After a while all I'm doing is punching wet chips of bone into the floorboards." Sure, he's not quite orange, but I think we'd all like to see the orange people featured have the same fate.