Welcome to the Neighbourhood

I've been meaning to earnestly start posting regularly again, as in 2012 I have turned over a new leaf and so many things have changed. But then I see what's on the other side of the leaf, and it's still just a stupid leaf.

So I decided to refrain from talking about moving to a new city. And I don't want to crap on about my dabblings with unemployment and the status of my job hunting at the risk of people think I'm being negative. Also, I avoided taking a photo of my new flat. This is partly because I don't yet have furniture, and partly because writing about it bores even myself. However, this morning I had a nice surprise waiting for me.


Yeah, I live amongst vermin. I actually felt bad for killing one of my own, because it was me who spotted him the day before, set the trap and respectfully tossed the lifeless Jerry into the bushes. In related news, these mouse traps are fantastic. I know they also make them in rat sizes. I just hope they don't make them any bigger because I will go to extraordinary lengths for peanut butter ("Peanut Butter: it's neck-breakingly good!"*).

Anyway, I'm not going to pretend like things are much different this year because they're really not. But who knows, soon I might just have to get the leaf blower and really blow things up.



*I'm not sure if Micky's cause of death was a snapped neck, as the clamp seemed to be a little further up on the top of his skull. It's just "Skull-crushingly good" isn't quite as catchy slogan for peanut butter.

Great Wide Open

For several reasons, this year is reminding me of this Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers song.


One of the best things about living in New Zealand is that the school year coincides with the calendar year, so each year from the age of five makes so much internal sense. (I realise this is a pretty crappy thing to be one of the best things about living in New Zealand but that's another subject for debate.) So yet again in 2012, I find myself staring down a completely new year where everything will be new except for the rags I wear. I'm newly graduated/unemployed and moving to a new city with no real plans for the future. What could possibly go wrong?

Also, I'm reminded of this song because I'm a young Tom Petty doppleganger and this year is promising to be so rock 'n roll - anything in the song could happen. I could get a tattoo, a job at a nightclub, a recording contract, anything. The only thing I know for sure is that I've already got the not having a clue part down.

I'm excited because I'll choose shitty and interesting over comfortable and boring every time and this year could be one of the shittiest yet.

The Highlight Reel

In order to make up for the last few months of silence, I decided to make a highlight recap, but then I realised that finding the best moments of the last few months would be like eating the tasty part of the turd. I guess that's never stopped me before. So read on with a grain of salt, or a few lumps of sugar, or anything else to help you get it down (perhaps a stiff drink).


The Pasty Chef lives!
Yes, I realise I posted this photoshop earlier this year when I was trying out my comedy in Wellington, but that led onto bigger and greater things. Well, it led onto other things, and that's something, I think.

The University of Canterbury Bandsoc (Band Society/club) had their first annual Battle of the Bands Competition, a knockout competition featuring 22 local bands. Well, they featured 21 local bands and me wearing a hat. See, I have never had a performing name, but the entry form had a space for one. So, since I had already made this photoshop, I just used that. Lazyness pays.

So, I was a solo act in a serious music competition, singing disgusting songs. I tried to get my hands on a video of my performance, but either the person who made it ripped their eyes out afterwards and is now in a mental hospital, or he is saving the video until the Pasty Chef goes global.

Afterwards, I wrote a review in the canta magazine, in which I roasted all the 12 bands who made it to the semi finals, (including myself). Have a read, here.

The highlight for me, however, was afterwards when I got hold of my actual scoring sheet from the three serious judges. (One was a producer who has worked with Stevie Wonder.) One judge, under the category of "Technical Skills" gave me a 5... out of 20. Then he added the comment "Fairly average". That's amazing, because that's exactly what I was aiming for.

Role Modelling
I'm not sure how this even happened, or if it even was legal, but I somehow ended up visiting a high school and telling the students to enrol at the University of Canterbury. As you can see in the photo, I am a huge chin and a headset-microphone away from doing a spot-on Tony Robins impersonation. Creepy eyes, and strong body language... nailed it!

Exhibition
As part of my education, we set up an on-campus exhibition. it has it's own webpage so you know it's legit. Here you can see me hard at work "supervising". Yes, this is the kind of job I want in the future.

Voting
As part of my civil duty I went to the voting booths and voted the hell out of our democratic ways despite not knowing about the parties as we don't have a TV. There wasn't much point though, since you never change leaders during a crisis (the earthquake), and apparently you don't change leaders after winning the rugy world cup either. The rugby world what? Hmm. I need to start watching more TV.

The only reason I knew that I needed to vote was because of this guy.

So this is a photo of me sporting my election ink. The odd thing is, New Zealand doesn't do election ink. I just used the felt pen to draw on my thumb. You might think I must be a hipster and I voted ironically, but that only shows that you just don't get it. Leave me alone already. Gosh!

Final Project
My final project of my university career was handed in on Monday, and I really did my best to focus on style over substance. Hence, over half the project was printed in full colour, anbd included several to scale photoshops like this one. Again, there's no real reason to show these except to get more mileage out of them. I mean, it took hours to get them just right, and then I had to do them all over again when I changed a few minor details. Photoshop is fantastic when you want to procrastinate doing your assignment, but also want to feel like you're doing something towards your assignment.

Moving
So, ever since July, our flat (The Russian House) has been on the open market. I was living in an open home. Every week, a greasy salesman (who we lovingly nicknamed "douchebag") came to our house and showed around strange people. It was so annoying, having to clean the house for him, and never would he leave behind a fruit bowl or anything more valuable than his business card. Sometimes he would come more often with only a day's notice, sometimes he would ask us odd questions in front of the potential clients like "It's really warm here in winter right?" (while winking at me). What a sack of shit. He also apparently isn't a very good salesman because the house is still unsold.

That's partly why I'm leaving Christchurch. I have finished school, and although I have nowhere to go next, that's better than staying for no reason in a house which isn't even my own. So with this, the Christchurch era has petered out early, but that's what I do best.


Lastly, with this photo of my Christmas tree contructed from a pot, a pillow, a green jacket and some fairy lights, I wish you a merry x-mas, no matter how crappy it is. I've made some crappy xmas trees in the past, but this one is possibly the worst, which somehow is promising.

Take care one and all.

International Suit-up Day

It's tough being a university student at this age. All my friends are having babies and jobs where they wear suits. Some of my friends' babies are already wearing suits, while I'm still writing essays.

Every day that I go out do do my university-student-type things wearing sneans, it's a reminder of my failings. So it's nice when there is an opportunity to wear a suit. There generally are only 2 1/2 situations where I can wear suits:

1. Weddings
   
2. Formal dances

These are obviously quite rare occurrences. The other is for job interviews, but it only counts for half since all my interviews are done by skype and I only have to wear a suit from the waist up. Yes, down below, I'm freeballing - it helps me relax.

As it turns out, there is one extra reason to wear a suit, and that is International Suit Up Day, which is an ancient annual tradition held on October13 every year since 2009. Yes, this is a real thing - it has its own website: http://internationalsuitupday.com/
Because if it has a website it must be true.

Suit Up Day was a great day. In fact, it was far too hot to be wearing a suit - let alone for biking to uni in a suit. I'm always under the impression that if you see a cyclist in a suit, he's probably had his licence revoked for drink driving. Still, I had a great time. Giving a presentation is somehow a lot more forceful with a suit. Also, since for me it was the last day of class for the 2nd semester, it gave off a sort of graduation-feeling. That's the power of the suit.

Remember this day for next year. Or you have a job where you have to wear a suit anyway. What I'm trying to say is, hopefully this was my last International Suit Up Day.