The Even Greater Tokyo Region

Flies Getting Caught

I have a history of putting the hurt on disgusting creatures, such as this gallery of the destroyed remnants of mosquitos I massacred in my bedroom. And now is the follow-up.

Way back in my first year of university we had a cleaning lady come by every week to 'sanitise surfaces'. Basically that meant she felt justified in telling us off if we weren't clean enough. Anyway, being summer when I arrived, the place was swarming with flies. After a while, it drove me insane. I vividly remember losing my shit, rolling up a newspaper and going on what can only be called a "rampage". Not only were there pieces of flies smeared all over the walls, I was hitting them so hard that the newspaper itself was leaving streaks all over the white walls. Sure enough the cleaning lady wrote a passive aggressive message telling me not to "crush the flies".

So there was only one thing to do: I had to up my game. Over the course of the extended summer, I honed my skills and learnt to catch them. First I crept up behind them, and was surprised when I got them, but pretty soon I was catching them with ease, and catching them directly out of the air. Sometimes I would catch two in one hand, or even one in each hand.

However, with my technique, the flies were still very much alive in my hand. I coouldn't bring myself to squeeze them to death, so instead I learnt that if I threw them against the wall, they would pretty much die. That started a whole year where I would catch flies, throw them against the fridge and then kick them underneath. I like to imagine the cleaning lady's face when at the end of the year she pulled out the fridge to see a fly-graveyard. That will teach her to cross me.

The skill has never left me. It has become a bit of a party trick. One BBQ in Japan was so swarming with flies that I spent almost the whole time catching them and putting them into a soft-drink bottle. Everyone probably thought I was weird, but I was so proud and trying to show off my "Fly Zoo". Lately in the new flat, we have a similar problem, and I decided to have fun with it. Here I present the exclusive video of Flies Getting Caught. [Note, it is based on - and uses the soundtrack of - SNL's People Getting Punched Just Before Eating. If you haven't see it, you should probably watch it first.]

Enjoy!





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