Snow Snow Snow, Finally.

There is a very famous snow festival in Japan, which has gained international fame. It's at a wee place called Hokkaido, where every year skilled sculptors make wildly elaborate snow and ice sculptures. I am familiar with their work, having been to an exhibition where most of Rembrandts works translated were translated into snow and ice (Ruben in Dutchland, December 2005)... At this snow festival they have everything from ice castles to tacky Japanese cartoon characters. They have something for everyone, unless you don't like the cold. And every year, the JET program has a trip to this famous snow festival.

I don't know exactly why I mention this, because I did not go, nor was I ever planning to. However, there was a similar event closer to home. Nestled in the Japanese Alps, is a small mountain village called Toga where they have an annual small snow festival. It is very-much like me to choose the substitute: I have been to Little Venice, Little Kyoto, Tokyo Disneyland…I've even seen a mini Statue of Liberty and supersized at McDonalds in Japan. If you are as good at lieing to yourself as I am, it can save you a lot of money. So this mini snow festival was a much more viable option, decided Tim, my New Zealander neighbour, and I. The plan was, we'd drive up and he'd go snowboarding for a few hours while I check out the festival. It seemed like a good way to spend a Saturday. Just before leaving, he had to stop to buy underwear. I still don't understand this, and I have stopped trying to. I suggest you do the same. I'm not even sure why I mentioned this.

The winter in Toyama, and all Japan I guess, has been incredibly mild. Whereas last year I am constantly told there was a fisherman-tale-like 11 metres of snow, this year was simply a treatable case of dandruff. When I went to the ski-field a few weeks ago, it was sometimes more like downhill wakeboarding. There were several large patches of dirt and jagged rocks to avoid. (this made learning to snowboard much more exciting). The trip to Toga and the prospect of seeing real snow was exciting. The drive was stunning, but at times the road was so narrow, I couldn't help but feel this was not the right road. The road kept climbing higher into the mountains, but was thankfully carved out by snow ploughs (Note: 'narrow-mountain-road-snow-plough-man' must be one of the most dangerous jobs in the world). Anyways, we made it, and I dropped Tim off at the ski-field. I allowed myself 3 hours to check out the festival.

3 hours was incredibly ambitious. Yes, the snow sculptures were stunning- 2 days ago, before it began to rain and melt them.... Calling this a "mini" snow festival was still an exaggeration. Still, it was definitely an experience. The food stalls were good, and there were enough people to talk to to pass the time. There was also a "custom" (i.e. inexplicably stupid thing people perpetuate every year until they simply accept it) where 5 or 6 old men wearing straw capes sat on a huge log, and made a lot noise until all the visitors came over and pulled them around the festival grounds. These old guys were loving it! Snow festival log riding: that's where I want to be when I'm 80. We were given free sake afterwards.

I somehow managed to kill those 3 hours, but Tim wanted to see the festival too. And then we were enticed to stay to watch the fireworks. This means, in all, I was at this tiny mountain festival from 1 until 8pm hours, and as I was driving, I couldn't drink.. This was my 'mini 7 years in Tibet'. The festival was lit up, making the sculptures stand out, and the entertainment got going. It wasn't necessarily 'good entertainment', but at least they tried. Just before the fireworks, it began to snow. The only fireworks displays I have seen until now involve loading a barge full of explosives, and setting them off one-by-one. This one was choreographed with music and a semi-traditional dance group on the snow stage in front. As the sky lit up in brilliant colours behind the stage and the snowflakes, it made the wait seem all worthwhile.

All that was left now, was to drive home. I knew it would be slow going at night, with a now near-blizzard, but this was ridiculous. It turns out I missed the turnoff... . It turns out I drove down the hill in the wrong direction, and ended up driving 2 sides of a triangle. I haven't been this lost in a long time. The day couldn't get any better.

It didn't.

I feel it is my duty to at least report back after my trip to China, that I did not get stabbed. I repeat, I did NOT get stabbed. In that sense, it was a very successful holiday. I have much to write about (don't I always?), however, it somehow doesn't belong on Ruben In Japanland. (although many people don't know the difference... Have we been over this before.) So anyways, I will at some stage give a proper account of the comedy of errors that was Ruben In Mainland (China) .

For the meanwhile, I am back in Japan, in my capacity as a teacher. Well, technically, my job is classified as an "ALT". This stands for "Assistant Language Teacher". This makes more sense to me, as I am not a real teacher. Other teachers are usually quick to point out this fact as well, (despite the fact we get paid the same amount). I think the abbreviation "ALT" is so appropriate.

You are most likely reading this on a computer. Take a look at your keyboard. You see the ALT key? He's just sitting there, not really doing anything.. How often do you use him? Maybe sometimes for a shortcut, although the amount of shortcuts you know that uses the ALT key is very limited. Shortcuts: that's all he really does. It's sometimes convenient when you are too lazy to move the mouse pointer around. Usually though, it's a key that you often push on accident and wonder what the hell just happened. It's more an inconvenience than anything. else. Even still, the ALT key is heavily over-represented. There are in fact 2 ALT keys. It is clear that the ALT key's usefulness cannot justify its keyboard space. The only reason for it being there could be "aesthetic considerations". It's all symmetrically placed either side of the spacebar. On my keyboard they are even in a different colour. Despite the obvious obsoleteness, the feeling is a keyboard would be incomplete without the ALT.

(In case this went completely over your head, I school is the keyboard, and I am the ALT.)

The reason I mention all of this, is because I finally caved to the pressure and re-signed (not resigned) for a 2nd year. This was a very difficult decision, mostly because of the location of my town. Well, to be more accurate, it's more the lack of people located in my town. However, I don't know if I will ever get another job as easy as an ALT, or whether I will ever get another job at all. What probably influenced my decision the most, was materialism. Things things, glorious things.

Embassy

I had a big problem in my life in Tonami. My apartment, apart from being too cheap, was also too big.. It was tough. I finally decided that I needed to resolve both of these problems. This culminated in the creation of a new bar in town. A bar which doesn't require a 10 minute walk in the freezing cold or snow. A bar where alcohol is as cheap as you can buy at the liquor shops! A bar where you can drink beer from proper beer mugs! A bar where you don't have to pay to sit down! Where you can play darts with a real dartboard and dangerous steel tipped darts! Where anything Japanese is forbidden. Welcome to Embassy.

It was a great project to keep me sane in the impending doom of another 1 1/2 years in Tonami. Now it's complete, it makes the idea easier to cope with. It really does feel like a place I can escape my existence; where I can truly relax. Sometimes, I get too relaxed. When you find yourself falling asleep at a bar, you know you have a problem. Unless that bar is in your own apartment! Although, that could be an even stronger indication of a problem.

Either way, I'm here to stay for a second year. Despite my cyniclism, things are definitely looking up. It's all about hitting the right keys.

Aren't I already overseas?

I'm very excited. In a matter of days I will be going to China. "So what", I hear some of you saying, "You left almost half a year ago". These people are still not completely aware that Japan and China are not the same country. But we shall ignore these people.

After my first day of school this year, I came home and said to myself: "I need a holiday". Yes, Osaka was a great time. However, many others took the opportunity to go overseas. I want a part of that. So I'm going to Shanghai.

It isn't a completely spontaneous trip. In fact, it is one of the less spontaneous things I have ever done. I have been planning it for a good 4 months. You almost have to. I don't mean to suggest that overseas travel is a simple pleasant process in other countries, but Japan… They love to be thorough. Thoroughly annoying. In Japan it is unusual to travel overseas without a bus-load of other old people, led by a neatly dressed lady in her 30's carrying a flag on a pole. You know the type. I just wanted a plane ticket. Of course, it didn't help I chose to go to communist China. I will never forget the travel agent's face when I told her I had 2 passports. It was like Michael Jordan, late in his career, finding out you are allowed to dribble the ball ("you can do that?").

However, it seems to be all sorted out now. The main reason I'm going is because my father is passing through Shanghai, and I thought it would be easy enough to rendezvous there. It wasn't "easy", but it looks like it will happen. But I am very much looking forward to walking around a strange city where I don't know the language, with a camera around my neck and a wallet full of near-valueless currency. Wait, that might not be a wise idea in China… Well, either way, I'm sure there will be many good stories waiting for me if I get back. See you, or as they say in China: "Adios!".

Happy 2007 everyone. As you may know, the animal for this year, according to the Chinese New Year, which isn't for another month but the Japanese use anyways, is the wild boar. I think we can all agree that of all the animals of the Chinese calendar, the wild boar is the least funny. The sheep, the rat, the dog, the chicken, the snake, and especially the monkey are all easy to make jokes about. If the Chinese New Year symbols were comedians, we have entered the year of Tom Green and Sinbad.

Anyhow... I have just come off the winter holidays, spent mostly in the big city of Osaka. Certain things happen in big cities, and I will keep these fuzzy warm memories with me forever. I will never forget the look on this old man's face as the car we were driving in was parked on top of his wife. Priceless. I know, I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was shockingly amusing.

(Before you start thinking, "oh Ruben, he's such a lying bastard", I guarantee that this story is 100% true… well, at least 90%)

The good news of this story is that I, personally, was not driving. If it had of been me who backed over an elderly Japanese woman, it wouldn't have been such a funny story. Police are much stricter on foreigners, and I may also possibly have been slightly drunk at the time.

I don't want to be pointing the blame at anyone, but our friend who picked us up at a small train station somehow backed over an elderly lady, on her way home from shopping. When I say "backed over", I mean that she kindof hit the car, and he foot ended up under the wheel. I have personal experience in having my foot run over by a car, so I wasn't too concerned. (The only difference between my experience at the old lady's was about 60 years.) There were two lines of thought in my head. The naiive New Zealand voice saying: "She'll be right, she'll get up and Japanesely apologise", and the cynical voice of someone who has been living in Japan for a while: "This will involve the police and ambulances and news crews and police lineups…".

It became apparent to me that the lady's biggest concern (once the car was off her foot) was the temperature of the concrete, as she made no attempt to even move for 10 minutes. The husband appeared to be very angry, but I'm now not so sure if it had anything to do with hitting his wife with a vehicle. The cynical voice in me was right (this is happening all too often lately), and soon the sirens of ambulances and policemen were heard. When the ambulance came, the lady had gotten up, and walked onto the ambulance, STILL CARRYING HER SHOPPING BAGS! Where was the husband now? (Now, more than ever, I think the Japanese education system should include lessons in chivalry. However, this story may have to wait for another day.)

By this time, there were 4 regular policemen, a motorcycle cop, and a self righteous parking warden guy who seemed to be enjoying pretending acting as a real policemen. They filed a detailed police report, with measurements and data and diagrams and photographs and chalk on the "crime scene". The whole ordeal took about 2 hours, which really killed my beer buzz.

While everything was blown into hilarious proportions, I do have sympathy for the old lady. She will have a sprained ankle, and probably numerous bruises. What must hurt most though, is having such a useless husband. I also have sympathy for our friend driver. Credit to her though, I have never seen someone so calm after running someone over.

The rest of the holiday was mostly beer and other alcohol induced joviality. It is nice to get out of Toyama. Even when I got back, there was still 3 nights of joviality left. In all, it was 10 nights of drinking in 11 days. I know, it's shocking; in Japan, the winter holidays are only 11 days long! I lie. In fact, they are 7 days long, but I took some paid leave to make it seem like a real holiday. thankfully, it was. Now I am back at school, and I hope to be able to use my experiences to make me a better teacher in 2007.

Any ideas?