Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The New Me

Japan can change a man. And by "man" I mean the masculine version of humans. Japan can change women too, but they usually just gain a few kilos and lose some self esteem because Japanese girls make them feel much fatter than they are. For guys, Japan is like being a star basketball prodigy and having people coddle you because you're their cash cow and they just desperately want to become part of your possy, and so you risk having a totally inflated sense of self-worth. It happens all the time. I know this because I am awesome.

Within a few days of re-arriving, I decided to go for a totally new look. Here's the first photo I took of myself.

In the distant past I have obliquely referenced Mr Donuts, but basically, it is a cafe/doughnut shop that prides itself on being exceptionally average. I love it because they have "American Coffee" which just means "crappy coffee with free re-fills." Also, it rewards repeat patronage with a points card that allows you to get a soft toy after about 160 donuts. That's a lot of doughnuts. Because of the refill policy, this was the best place for me to sit, write and study for several hours, and that's how I became indoctrinated.

So imagine my delight when I got off the train at my new city and began walking towards my dormitory and see a Mr Donuts on the way. "I'm home" I said, in a scarily cult-like manner. But seriously, I'm on a scholarship and it would be much simpler if the university just wired my salary directly to Mr Donut.

I just wanted to inform you all that I have safely arrived - even if you wouldn't recognise me anymore. But I just had to get a mane made out of a doughnut to show how awesome I am, and my platonic love for Mr Donut. Coming soon will be some more great stories - and perhaps photos - about how awesome I am.

Sunday, April 01, 2012

The Even Greater Tokyo Region




This brings us to the end of the Great Re-Migration, and onto a newer - or at least 'other' things. The "greater Tokyo region/area" is the most populated part of this broad green earth with a population of around 35 million people. Make that 35 million-and-one. I'm the cherry on top of 35 million other cherries. Or the bottom. Or somewhere in the middle. We don't even have to be cherries. To be honest, I didn't completely think this analogy through.

Anyway, I hope to relatively occasionally write up some silly stories, which I hopefully won't have to work to hard to find. Also, I have started up a new love-project http://jdoramarapehugs.blogspot.co.nz/ where I am whistleblowing about the disturbing prevalence of rape-hugs in Japanese doramas, and my contribution to the extreme-niche humour consumerism on the internet. If you're not too offended by it, please add it to your list of websites to entertain you until the coffee is ready - and tell your friends!

Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy my occasional stupid stories, and if you want to know how I really am you'll just have to contact me the old fashioned way. Take care, but at what cost?

いってきます!