You can't fly without wheels

Out here in the countryside of Japan, it is almost impossible to live without a car. The other day I was in the next town at a small music festival. At about 9:40 I thought I had better check what time the last train back leaves. Of course, we had already missed it. It wasn't too much of a problem, but it goes to show how much I need to get a car.

This was reinforced yesterday when I was taken to my other schools. I have one main school, a Junior High School. This is where I spend most of my time doing nothing. Ontop of this, every week I visit two different Primary schools, and a nursery school (4 in total). Now, these schools are all very spaced out. Remember, this is rural Japan. Even though I am pretty fit and I enjoy biking, you`d have to be dreaming if you think I`m going to bike to all my schools.

I have mentioned the fact that the temperature and humidity in Japan is at levels that you would think is not suitable to sustain intelligent life-forms. Now I'm not one to complain easily, but it does start to wear you down when you have to bike for a half hour to get to school. (note: it takes a half hour, presuming I don't get lost. This does sometimes happen- i.e. not getting lost). So most days I show up to school, (NZ slang alert!!!) "sweating like a rapist". Even at 8am, the sun has been up for a few hours, and I have to wear business attire. It is not the ideal way to commute.

That is why, this morning, when it didn't feel hot at all, I was so happy. "Brilliant", I thought, "I wont show up at work dripping wet". And then, not just the gods, but also the bhudda's and the allah's all conspired against me and sent down the rains. By now it was too late to catch a bus, and I wasn't going to take one of my paid holidays because the weather. So I biked. It really wasn't so bad. The rain was nice and warm, I will even go as far as to say the bikeride was pleasant. However, I have spent the rest of the day sitting at my desk with wet underwear.

And of course, come winter, it will be unadvisable, reckless even, to take the bike to school. I don't know if they even make bikes which work when there is slushy snow waist high.

Okay, so I hear you saying, "well, stupid, just buy a car then". I only wish it were that simple. I mean, I have a job which allows me to afford a decent car. But lets just say that the process isn't very easy, especially if you're foreign and don't have really good Japanese. The choice of (affordable) cars is very limited in rural Japan, and even if I find one that I like, I will have to contend with insurance, proving I have a parking space, paying for the parking space that I already own, getting a loan to pay for the car, buying extra insurance, registering the car, road tax, vehicle inspection... proving that no blood relative has ever been to North Korea etc...

But as they say: out of great nessecity comes courage to achieve great deeds. And buying a car in Japan will be the greatest achievement of my life. Lets hope the heat doesn't get to me first.

Business Trips

Before you all start getting the idea that I'm always messing around at work, I want to make it very clear that I am often not even at work. Yes, my introduction to the world of salaries and responsibility has included many "business trips". For example, the other day all of the new JET participants went to climb Mt. Tateyama, a famous, and third most sacred mountain in Japan. Presumably we were to conduct business at the summit. Which, is not completely inaccurate, as many of us did make business transactions there.

Although it is a 3015 metre mountain, I struggle with the idea that we "climbed it". I say this because

A) we bused up to 2450metres

B) there was no use of equipment, unless you count my tennis shoes

C) most of the way was paved (albeit, badly)

D) children who looked as young as 6 years old were climbing it too, and,

E) at the summit there is a small temple where a monk lives and entertains paying tourists, and the shop where you can also stock up on temple-related stuff like good luck charms, swouvinirs, instant noodles and disposable cameras. (these are brought up by helicopter)

But it was a brilliant trip. And although we were hardly conquering previously unclimbed mountains, I did happen to have a NZ flag with me, thus bringing up proud nationalistic feelings as I brought Sir Edmund Hillary's achievements into direpute... The photo was taken at the very top, and that building is the monk's shrine. Although he was trying to look very benevolent, I had the feeling that he wasn't overly impressed by our flag waving at his place of peace.

Apart from the scenery which was stunning (in the few moments when the mist cleared), I most enjoyed the temperature. At the moment in Japan, it is 30 plus degrees with crazy humidity. Every day, the first thing I do when I get home is take my pants off and put the airconditioning on. It is the only solution I can think of. It isn't ideal, as I'm sure the mailman would attest to, but I have just come from a NZ winter. Anyways, up the mountain, it was a normal temperature for me. I am going to propose that everyone in Japan starts living up in the mountains. Or under the sea. These are much more preferable and logical solutions than the one we have now. I think the monk who lives ontop of that mountain may be the smartest person in the country.

The best and most memorable times in Japan are usually the incredible random ones. For example, in my first week here I went to a "music festival", which actually turned out to be a concert way up in the mountains at a skifield resort. There were 3 pretty good rock bands including a queen cover punk band and a Kiss-wannabe band (keep in mind that they were Japanese bands). The entrance fee was 100yen (NZ1.70), and this included all you can drink beer. The bands finished quite early, and some DJ's took over. This kind of setting belongs on a Monty Python skit.

And this weekend, I went to the river for a BBQ under a bridge with a group of paragliding enthusiasts who I had never met before. They gave us food beer and snacks, took us fishing for small river fish, which we then ate: raw and cooked... I can honestly say that I dont know which one was more delicious. On the one hand, the raw fish was gutted, but on the other hand, the cooked fish was... well, you know, cooked. But they kept bringing out different foods, pretty much until the storm came in and made it time to go. But not before having some watermelon. "this is delicious" we'd say, as the chilly bins, BBQ supplies and small children were being swept away. It was a very enjoyable afternoon, and again, free of charge. Although we may now owe favours to the local paragliding club. Once you join the family...

Japan has also introduced me to the concept of 'all you can drink'. Now, I may be mistaken, but I believe this would be highly illegal in New Zealand. And we thought we had a problematic drinking culture... So far, I think I have partaken in 4 of these so-called "Nomi-ho-downs". It is such a reckless concept. The most recent one was a welcome party for us three new JETs in my city, with the people from the city council, who are our employers. I don't know if these guys, and girls, have very well trained livers, or if they were smart and just ordered for us. No really, I don't know. Either way, I felt privellidged to be taking part in such a vital aspect of Japanese culture. And then I felt sick.

So in conclusion, although I technically have a job and a desk, between the business trips, random excursions and excessive drinking, I'm proud to say I still haven't worked an honest day yet. So don't worry, it's still me.

Welcome to Ruben in Japanland, the unoriginally-titled sequel to Ruben in Dutchland.

Don`t be fooled though. It has the same characters, the same plot, the same stupid jokes... only the setting is different. Just like every new season of survivor.

So yes, as some of you may have established, I am in Japan. For those who don`t know where Japan is, find a nice, big, heavy atlas and ask a more knowledgeable friend to hit you over the head with it.

So... I came to Japan almost 2 weeks ago on the JET programme, which has been recruiting unqualified people, like me, to teach English in Japanese Schools since 1986. They put you in a school somewhere in Japan, or in my case “nowhere” in Japan. I was put in Toyama prefecture. What do you mean you haven’t heard of it? It`s famous for tulips. It`s famous for the delicious water. They have some of the best fish in Japan. Ring any bells?

Didn’t think so. If you are interested, visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toyama_Prefecture

Didn’t think so. But the first paragraph says,
“Toyama is the leading industrial prefecture on the Japan-sea coast, and has the industrial advantage of cheap electricity. The Itai-itai disease occurred in Toyama around 1950.”
This has been a presentation paid for by the Toyama Board of Tourism.

But everything is pretty good though. You are looked after very well. And by that I mean, I am well overpaid. And living in the countryside in Japan has its benefits. Instead of having to live in an apartment so small that the kitchen has to double up as a toilet (god bless insinkerators), my 2 room plus dining/kitchen apartment is quite big, and it doesn’t even cost as much as my one room I had back in Christchurch. (if you don’t know where Christchurch is, you just don’t learn, do you.). So I`m sure that a lot of you, especially you more qualified people, want to hit me over the head. That has already been taken care of. My apartment is equipped with deadly doorways at my eye level. So, when I start feeling too good about my situation, those doorways put me back in my place. For me, it is like living in a doll-house. After all, I am almost 6 foot 2.

Since it is summer right now, we have the summer holidays. That does not, however, mean that we have a holiday. Where did you get such an absurd idea? I`m not completely sure, but I think I`m supposed to make lesson plans for the rest of the year. So until then, I have to come to school. I have a desk. Who would`ve thought that a recent B.A. graduate with no work experience could get a sweet apartment and a job with his own desk... without a cash register? Basically, until school starts in September, I will just be sharpening pencils. (Note to self: buy some more pencils) As I say, “underqualified, overpaid, this is the dream”.

I`m sorry, I`m not being very professional right now. I really do take my job seriously. I am the ceremonial foreigner. I even have 1 1/2 days in my weekly schedule where I tour the primary and kindergarten/nursery schools. I`m kindof like a travelling circus. I already have most of my act figured out;

~Card Tricks
~Play guitar (badly) and sing songs.... At the same time... (hopefully, if all goes well, it will be the same song, but I cannot guarantee this)
I haven`t decided on whether to finish my act by juggling a few brave volunteers, or breaking tiles with my bare hands. And, if time permits, maybe I will teach some English. When the time actually comes, I will tell you how it all goes down. Feel free to start a betting pool on how long it takes for me to get deported.

So far though, there has been very little work. To give you an idea, I have been here for 13 days, and I have had about 17 hangovers. There are a lot of people`s names to forget, official business like meeting the mayor (this was a newsworthy story in the local paper), and doing administrative things like getting a bank account, mobile, insurance, which sounds boring enough, but in Japan, they manage to make it even more boring with a two-pronged approach. The first prong is, knowing that you can`t understand them and that you don’t need to know anyways, they speak in uncomprehensible Japanese, and secondly, they prong you by making you wait unnecessarily long. So, I`m being kept plenty busy. I can`t wait to buy a car next week.

That is, if I`m not deported by then.