Sometimes you see something that just makes you happy, and watching football last week certainly did that for me. Specifically from the moment the above photo was taken during the the recent PSV vs Ajax football match. In it we see the douchebag Ibrahim Affely dangerously tackling the other biggest douchbag in Dutch football, Uruguan Luis Surarez.This tackle began an incredibly petty and childish sequence from two players whose entire reputations are built on pettiness and childishness A stupid tackle by Afellay led to Suarez purposefully kicking him on the way down, which led to a lame stand-off and a giant piece of flailing and flopping by Afellay. Affelay earned a yellow card for the tackle. See the entire sequence here:
Soon after, a frustrated Suarez did one of the stupidest things any sportsplayer could do and bit in another PSV player’s shoulder.
Here are some stills:
(Note also how he is pulling the middle finger behind his back. What a toss-job.)Suarez was banned for two matches by his own club, and 7 matches by Fifa, and he gave a very vague answer as to why he did it, something about competitiveness and 'what happens on the field stays on the field'. Sure, I remember Mike Tyson said after he bit the ear of Holyfield that he was 'protecting his family'. Sure, crazy person, whatever you say. My theory is that Suarez probably mistook the PSV player for a carrot. I mean, seriously, put on some playboy bunny ears on him, and he could be a star alongside Michael Jordan in Space Jam II.
Background
It pains me to call Abraham Afellay a douchebag. I wish it were different, because he is freaking good and plays for Holland. He is just a selfish player who always goes for his own goal rather than making a good pass, flopping as soon as he gets in the box, and stupid whiney stunts like when he elbowed another player last year. He reminds me of a more unlikeable and less-skilled Christian Ronaldo. Excuse me while I throw up.
Thankfully, next year he will no longer be playing in Holland as he is going to Barcelona. On behalf of all people in Holland who don't like douche-bags, thank you. Maybe even he might learn a lesson in humility playing against better players (or even better, by not making the starting 11).On the other hand, I have zero qualms about calling Suarez a giant sack-of-shit. First of all, he plays for Ajax. Secondly, he falls down and whines and acts like a female tennis player’s overprotective father. See the next two photos as evidence:
I saw an interview once where he said his new year’s resolution was to try cut down on flopping and his whining. He never has, as seen by the biting incident.Not that I need any more reason to hate him, but Uruguay played against Holland in the World Cup semi-finals. Like everybody else who has ever seen any Dutch football, we were expecting to see Suarez fall down more often than a drunken baby, however, in the previous match he had earned a red card against Ghana by something he hilariously dubbed ‘the hand of God’. Seriously, if God had a hand, he would use it to bitchslap him. Until I see that, I am still agnostic.
So let us cherish this magical meeting of two epically douche douchebags for what it was. Because life is too short to not enjoy special moment like this.
