School lunches

As New Zealanders, we all know that the Japanese are evil for hunting whales. Yes, they say it is for scientific research, but at another JET's school they had whale on the lunch menu. I don't quite see the benefit to humanity in this. Maybe all these student will go on to win a nobel science prize, I dont know, I'm not a fortune teller. I might have had whale in my school lunch before, but they don't bother telling me what's in it, and there are times when this has its benifits. Although I wasn't personally present at the whale lunch, I am sure that every last whale morsel was consumed. At my elementary school, there is a sign that says "whether you like or dislike it, you will eat it". And all 4 times I have been there so far, I haven't heard one person complain.

There are many signs in that dining room. One says, "let's eat quietly". I thought the days of a child being 'seen but not heard' were over. Apparently not. It's actually quite eerie being in a lunchroom of about 200 children aged between 6 and 12, and all you can hear is the soft clatter or chopstick on plastic bowl.

Well, that isn't entirely accurate. After everyone says grace, they play a tape over the speaker system. It begins with an instrumental elevator rendition of "it's a small world". This is unimaginable torture that can explain away many things about Japan- including the crazy television programs.

Forget the whales, the Japanese are destroying the rainforest.

While perusing through all the junk that my predecessor left in his desk for me to throw out, I came across an interesting article. It stated that Japan, which has few natural resources of its own except crazy TV show ideas, is the worlds largest importer of tropical wood. This is to make disposable chopsticks, and surely paper as well. It is ridiculous how much paper is used. Whenever I arrive at school there is a huge pile of photocopied documents on my desk. I'm afraid to leave my desk now, even if only to grab a drink, because when I get back, there will be a new pile of paper to go through. I used to try and read them, until I realised how pointless they were. I have one here saying what time the broadcasting club will be having a meeting. I should really get a "no junk mail" sign for my desk.

So in conclusion: The Japanese kill whales and the rainforest. Rainforests are endangered, as are whales. However, they use more paper than an obese guy with diahorrea, but god help them if they leave over any food.

Never a dull moment.

The rebirth

Six and a half years ago, in a bleak world, much different to ours, a monumental event was about to happen. Something so huge, and so drastic, it seemed things would never be the same again. Suddenly the world was bathed in brilliant light, and colours and music never before heard or seen revealed themselves. From that day on, the world was a much better place.

I am, of course, referring to the day I got my full licence. Those were good times. But all great things come to an end: The Roman Empire, Communism, Married with Children etc... The last 1 1/2 months in Japan has been very difficult for me without a car. Showing up at school late, either sweating or soaking wet, and not in the mood for standing in front of 30+ children, which is technically my job (and apparently, sitting at my desk sharpening pencils).

Apart from the stories of me coming to school looking like a shipwrecked sailor, I have a horror story about catching the bus. See, my bike was at school, so I needed to catch the bus. I had very clear instructions from a ...lets just say 'well intentioned'... person. I got up 30 minutes earlier than usual, walked 10 minutes to the bus stop, waited patiently for the right bus, got on the bus, and sat down. I had a great view as the bus completely skipped my town. I wasn’t going to stay on till the last stop as the cost of the trip was already getting to ridiculous levels, so I got off in the next town.

“I’ll be fine. Someone from my school will come pick me up”, I thought as I phoned one of my teacher’s cell phones. Voicemail… So I sat down to have a coffee from a vending machine. Shit, it had sugar in it, it was gross. So I finished at about the time that school was supposed to start, and still no answer yet.

So I walked. I followed the road signs along the highway. I walked through rice fields, and… well, just rice fields… I walked for 90 minutes. That’s almost 1 1/2 hours!!! And just to make my day complete, once I finally arrived, there was a sweet apology from that teacher left on my desk. It read:

“When you arrive, please come to class 1A”

Imagine how much I loved coming to work…

From then on, I was very keen to get a car. I would have bought the first piece of crap car I could found, except Japan has no piece of crap cars. They send them all to New Zealand. The problem is tax. Just to have a car registered for 2 years costs well over $2000NZ. Amazingly I found a car that cost about $2000NZ. In other words, it was almost a free car. It is ironic that the biggest purchase of my entire life was a free car? I am doing my Dutchness proud. So the problem was solved… right???

Well yes, but it took 9 days before I could actually drive, thanks to insurance and the Japanese tendency to be thorough.
But here she is...

Yes, I bought a car that can even drive upside-down. (I apologise, my technical expertees with computers stops at playing minesweeper.)

I was expecting to get a car like most other Japanese. If you aren't sure what they look like, they look pretty much like a cardboard box. The only difference being that I would rather be seen in the cardboard box. So this is a 1990 Nissan California, 4x4 automatic station wagon. I thought, well, since petrol is so cheap at the moment, why not?

But since I began driving, last Friday, life has been so much better. I can only think back to the days when I first got my liscence. I have already driven to the other side of the prefecture, and despite numerous cars almost crashing into me (don't get me started on Japanese drivers...), it was about the happiest time of my life. Besides, I can rest in comfort knowing that in a collision, my car will win against a cardboard box everytime.

Osakan Trip

At a recent meeting for the new JET participants, a question was asked to the senior JETs. "What can you do in the area?" we asked. The general response was naming other cities in other prefectures. Basically, what they told us was: "you can leave".

My first trip out of the region was to visit my brother who lives in Osaka, under the premise of playing in a random basketball tournament. Thereby, in the one trip, I was able to combine two truly great, wonderful things. (Basketball, and of course, leaving Toyama.)

But they don't make leaving Toyama easy. It took a superhuman effort to bike back home as soon as the school bell rang, and a run to the station to catch the train. And then it took another 4 1/2 hours. It would have been a pleasant trip if only I didn't have that stupid Proclaimers song in my head. (I'm on my way from miserey to happiness today....) I couldn't help it.

So Osaka is a nice place. In my town Tonami, you never see any people. There are houses, and rice fields which occasionally have an old lady working in it. The mall has people in it, but after that I jhave no idea where they go. I don't think they live in Tonami. I, and the other JETs in my town, have never met our nighbours. The streets never have any people on them. It's like a ghost town. Only, the ghosts got bored and left too.

So it was comforting to see people again. A fun weekend yada yada... the basketball tournament. I had no idea what to expect. I was told in advance that one of the opponents was a professional K1 kickboxer. And last year, he got in a fight in the same tournament... So, I was on my best behaviour.

My brother, (depending on your perspective) also happens to be foriegn and he made up a team full of import players (All teaching English as some level). We were a pretty strong team, and rolled over the first few teams. Not having played regularly since November, and only a few times since then, you may be able to say I'm not in peak physical condition. Combine that with the hot summer here and the Japanese style of basketball (running up and down the court)... I am still sore 4 days later. But an opportunity to play some good basketball doesn't come around very often in Toyama, so I had to make the most of it.

The last game of the round robin was againt the K1 fighters also yet unbeaten team. There was prize money resting on the win, so the stakes were high. The K1 guy looked like he wanted to start a fight, but we aren't stupid. We are teachers. So we won, and recieved a dissappointingly small amount of prize money. But the memory of the trip to Osaka will last for a long time. Or at least the muscle pain will.

What kind of Sport is this???

This last week I've finally had to be at work a lot. (not to be confused with "working a lot"). For thse unfamiliar with Japanese schools, they have these things called an undokai (literally "excercise meet). Basically it's a sports day. So what, 'we have sports days', you may be saying...

Of course, the Japanese take this very very seriously, and in the whole week leading up to it, there was almost no classes. The students, and teachers, were out practicing.

At least in New Zealand at the sports days, all the participants are chosen by the reliable method of having people nominate their friends in the hope they dont have to do anything themselves. In Japan, evrey single tiny detail is spelled out. On my desk there are stacks of paper forming an inpenetrable fort, and each paper details things like, who will be running, how the participants will march to the starting spot, what brand of underwear they will be wearing etc...

All week long, the students practiced every aspect of the sports day, including the actual events. And it wasn't just running, but tug-o-war and silly events too. They are too complicated and boring to explain, but basically these games are designed to embarrass the people who mess up. The red team won every event, but that may be because the other team was waving white flags the whole time. So it was billed to be a very one-sided event.

The big day was held on a saturday. And I think there was a 100% turnout. At my school in NZ, it was held on a schoolday, and there was about a 60% turnout.

The whole sports day was quite hilarious, only the Japanese didn't seem laugh at the same things I did. There was a Tae-bo-esque warmup routine, set to Japanese pirate music. And most events had music- which brought up memories of disneyland-playing in the background. One event which shocked me was called the "Tyre Collection". It sounds innoncent enough. It involved a whole lot of tyres in the middle of the field, and all the girls. It was basically a bitch-fight for the tyres. If they had handbags, this could have been a Monty Python skit. Just crazy. Then the whistle blows, they return to the starting spot and bow to each other.

Between all of the silly events and silly music, there was a whole lot of bowing and marching. To me it seemed more like military training. And you thought that Japan doesn't have an army. They have one of the largest military spending budgets, and through the schools, a compulory draft with a 100% participation rate.

Watching the students march around, I couldn't help but think how much the students must dislike sports day. But as is often the case, I was very wrong. Afterwards, in the red group debriefing, there was harldy a dry eye there. Although they had won, they lost the cheering competetion, and they were inconsolable. Girls, boys and teachers alike. So it seems like everyone had a good time...

All except for me... I mean, it was pretty funny, but I had nothing to do all day. I just sat around, taking photos of all the sillyness around me. The real fun came afterwards at the staff drinking party. Yes, it is exactly like it sounds. All the teachers sitting around getting drunk. Being the new teacher, it was also a sort of welcome party for me. Meaning, they all wanted to see me get drunk. I am by far the youngest teacher at the school (in fact, it is unheard of to have a 21 year old qualified teacher... I guess I'm not qualified...) So I used the drinking party as a time to earn respect and show my maturity. Nothing says "I'm mature" like drinking a lot of beer.

I managed to survive the drinkning party in style, and I learnt a lot about the other teachers, like what one of them had for breakfast that morning. So a good time was had by all.

If you don't have wheels, you'd better learn to swim

For those playing at home, you may remember a little story about having to bike for half an hour in the rain. Well, lets just call it a recurring story. Apparently Toyama prefecture is blessed to have as a natural resource, plenty of rain. This week I've had to rinse and repeat, as it were, 5 times.

But what I found strange was the reaction of the other teachers, or rather, the lack of reaction. I show up at school, enter the staffroom like a swamp creature, and everyone chimes "good morning!!".
I'm thinking, 'I just began my day by biking for half an hour in the rain, and all you can say is "good morning"?'

But this is not to say that the teachers at my school are assholes. No, that title belongs to.....

This weblog has been censored. What follows after this, I have been warned could possibly affect my job. It sounds unlikely, but then again, this is Japan. But its already been written, so if you want to read further, email me at ruben.shogawa@gmail.com and I'll forward it to you. Sorry for the incovenience...

My first day of school.

They grow up so fast dont they? They're playing with lego one month, and the next thing, they're teaching English in Japan. (This is actually true... except for the part about "teaching"). Of course, being Japan, there is much ceremony and ritual that goes on around the start of a new term. So i had a speech all prepared, which didn't take very long as since I came to Japan I've already had to do... roughly 30... per day. And of course, I put on my nicest and only tie (this took considerably longer than preparing the speech). The assembly was basically a 90 minute workout with the students and teacher constantly bowing, sitting and standing up. I was the odd one out, always doing the wrong action... And I was hoping to blend in...

My speech went well. It is a small school of only 170 students, so it wasn't so bad. But when I was about to finish, one of the students collapsed. I'm very proud of myself for not saying "holy shit" into the microphone. Don't worry, the student was okay. 4 teachers helped him out by dragging him off to the corner of the hall, the assembly proceeding as if nothing happened. From here on, I'm sure the assembly would have been boring for even those who can understand Japanese. There was another highlight when another student on the stage fainted. They were dropping like flies.

So, taught my first classes. What I couldn't understand was that the students were so damn quiet. It was as if they just saw a ghost. I mean, I'm not that white, am I? Of course the lessons included another self introduction, and the students introduced themselves at a volume only audible to dogs, with informative information such as "I like game". I have my work cut out for me. To try and get them to open up a little more (and because I know nothing else) I did some card tricks. Normally when I do a good trick, everyone goes crazy saying stuff like "how did you do that" yada yada yada. Not for my classes. When my tricks came off perfectly, and I got nothing. Squat. I got blank, scared stares from the whole class. I image I could have attained a similar result by shooting a puppy. I don't know if it is because the students are all so well behaved and polite (an unlikely scenario, even in Japan), or if they are so scared of seeing a foreigner and actually having to use the English they've been studying for years. The whole reason the JET programme exists is to get English speakers into schools and get the children to use it. This all means that I really have my work cut out for me.

However, I had my first primary school visit yesterday. I taught 3 new entrant classes (6 year olds), and this was so much fun. I just talked to them, they introduced themselves, similar to what I did at my Junior High School, the only difference being that the 6 year olds had better self introductions. They even asked me questions in Japanese. My favourite questions were "what is your favourite insect?", "what fruit do you hate?", and "what family (member?) do you like the most?". I also did some card tricks. I don't know if they really understood them, but they seemed to like them. The whole morning was a lot of fun, and my primary school visits will probably become the highlights of my week.

So it has been an interesting introduction to my schools. But again, don't think that now I'm finally busy and earning my money. Even now, most of the time I am sitting at my desk sharpening pencils.

(note to self: buy more pencils)