Variety
Sometimes one moment can define a lifetime. This was such an epic moment. The moment I said "schlong" in front of hundreds of people.
It all began about five years ago. One night, a little boy was watching the television much past his bedtime. A young, easily influenced boy watching late-night television. The T.V. show was 'The Late Show with David Letterman', and the little boy was none other than myself. A segment on the show came on, (the intro by none other than Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra), "Stupid Human... TRIIIIIICKSSSS AH!". I edged closer to the screen, as a geeky guy was interviewed by Letterman. He was a Canadian nuclear physicist student, and his stupid human trick was to juggle 2 balls while climbing through a tennis racquet.
Being someone who likes doing anything stupid, I watched in awe. I knew then that I wanted to be that geek.
The timing was perfect, as it was less than a few months before my school (and the Girls College, combined) talent show. Our schools were rather prestigious places, and these talent shows included some future professional musicians, dancers, singers and composers. It also included me.
I had never done anything like this before. I mean, had cut the strings out of my tennis racquet and practiced the stupid human trick, but I was not a performer. In front of a crowd of about one-thousand, and sandwiched between truly talented people, I pulled off the feat. It turns out that I was the most talked about the day after, and the most remembered act. I met people 4 years later while at University who remembered me for the act .
It was an epic moment, but I think, I have finally topped it.
Every year, the Toyama JET's put on a big Charity Show. This year it was a production of Peter Pan. I originally joined in, but soon realised that this required actual work, and time commitment. Luckily, the charity show included a "Variety Show". I had just the act to add some variety. I didn't even need to pretend that I had talent. It was all laid out before me.
The director, upon hearing I had an act involving a tennis racquet, requested I also play the ukulele. (I played a terrible version of "no Woman no cry" at the audition for Peter Pan) However, I own possibly the cheapest playable ukulele alive, which I have seen in toy stores, and my playing ability doesn't even do the toy justice. I was not going to do a serious song, so I turned my hand at song writing. This is what I came up with:
Deinternationalisation.
The idea came to me over the last 10 months of being stereotyped. I've said it many times, but I am offensively foreign. To prove my point, here is a page from my Junior High School Textbook, one of the main textbooks in the Japanese curriculum.
His name is Mr. Brown, an ALT. This is me! If someone were to draw me as a Japanese cartoon, this is what I'd look like. Seriously. I should really ask for royalties from the publisher. One of the reasons for the JET program existing, is to dispel the myth of the forigner that IS me, and show the diversity of the outside world and its inhabitants. So, my song is about how not all foreigners are tall blond blue eyed freaks who can't eat fish or natto and only eat bread. Except, that is me.
I won't give it away and write the lyrics down, but once the video is completed of the show, I will try and show it. It might even become my first single.
However, I said the word, "schlong" infront of hundreds of people. Many of whom couldn't understand why the rest of the crowd were laughing. It was so perfect. An epic moment that will not be soon forgotten in these parts.
For now, here is a video a friend took of me during the juggling part of the show. Including where I nearly dropped the ball. Watch out for it...
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