Getting involved!
Living in rural Japan as a JET, one needs to be proactive to be sociable. It’s rare to have a colleague of a similar age, and if there is, they will probably so concerned with trying to act professional that they will practically ignore you. So, the work environment is far from a safe bet to make friends. Of course, I have lamented about the (increasing) lack of bars in the area. Neighbours not only ignore, but they seem to actively evade any interaction. The “answer” is always touted to be co-curricular. “Join a club! Start a language exchange! Get active in the community!”, they will say with exclamation marks.
I am lucky. I have been blessed with good basketball coaches all my life, and Tonami city is known for being a basketball city. I quickly joined the city basketball team in the hope to not only play basketball, but to be social and interact with the local inhabitants of this strange land.
It never really worked out. I’ve been drinking with them 5 times; Two times after losing an important tournament, one time after winning one and one wedding after-party. I don’t want to speculate why this is. They are generally cool guys, under 30 and live nearby. It just never worked out that way.
The wedding party was only one month after I joined the team, and it was a lot of fun. I was hoping then, that this Saturday night- my Captain’s wedding party- would be even better. I’d joined a club, and this night I was hoping to “start a language exchange!” and “get active in the community!”…
I wasn’t going to take it to the level of “Wedding crashers”, but surely these parties are a great way to meet people. Friends of the bride, friends of the groom, and everyone is friends with the booze. The party was in the distant Toyama city, so half our team was car-pooling there. I waited at the convenience store. I waited long enough to ask the theoretical question of, “how long do you have to wait before you can call someone who is supposed to pick you up but hasn’t yet, and hasn’t tried to make contact?”. Luckily, I didn’t have to answer, getting picked up 25 minutes after the agreed time.
The car was an American car. The steering wheel was on the wrong side. The driver was so bad, the car was often on the wrong side too. We nearly merged into a few other cars (ironically, this would create a car with steering wheels on both sides- i.e. a Driving instructor’s car), and almost reversed into another.
The “fee” for the wedding party was 8000 yen. This is huuuge! Its about one day’s pay for me, and I would earn more than most of my team-mates. But it was for my captain. Besides, only minutes earlier, I thought I was going to die. I needed a drink.
The cheers took a lot longer than I’d hoped. Once it did, I practically breathed beer. There was probably over 80 people present, including the MC, who organised the games. First was a bingo game. It’s amazing how the same game that my elementary students love so much, is also so popular with Japanese adults. I guess it helped that thee prizes included a colour T.V. (do they even ever make black and white ones anymore?), a sweet foldable bicycle, an ipod, digital camera and a trip to Disneyland.
There was good quality food on hand too.
There were some speeches, which were probably not made any more boring that I could hardly understand them.
Then a banner was unfurled. It read: “富山県第1回ローション相撲大会” which means: "lotion sumo tournament". If this was on American television, this could actually be quite awesome. But what girl in Japan would do it? No, instead, 8 guys stripped down and changed into a pair of army-patterned, loose-fitting boxer shorts… in front of everybody. There was still no mingling, as everybody was glued onto the action on the main stage.
The guys were flashing balls, and pulling each other’s boxers down as the MC poured lotion onto the tarped floor. This was not a good start. It was a knockout tournament. There was a lot more flashing. The final round was decided when my vice captain completely removed the loose-fitting boxers of his opponent. Then, in a victory celebration, he removed his own and swung them above his head. Classy. I really needed another drink.
“I’m sorry, the tab has finished”, said the too-cute-to-get-angry-at bar tenderess. What? Surely, for 8000 yen there tab cannot be finished. I wanted to climb over the bar, not only for more beer and to get closer to the bar tenderess, but to avoid the embarrassment that was happening at this party.
Luckily, Japanese parties usually have after parties. I was hoping there that the guys would be more clothed, and the girls would be more close... by.
I watched in dismay as the guys carried the newly weds to next bar in a portable-shrine-like thing, and all the girls disappeared into a different bar. I couldn’t afford to ditch my ride home. I looked around me at the after party. There were 30 people, and only one of them was of the opposite sex (for example: female). She also happened to be the bride. I mailed a friend saying; “it is going to take a Herculean effort to pull tonight, but dammit, I’ll try”.
I used some of my A-game card tricks to get her attention. I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She said no. I’m so smooth.
Then, the boys started doing “feats of drinking”. They were chanting things as one guy tried to drink up a whole jug of beer. Naturally, their drinking prowess was far from impressive. The jug seemed to go around 8 people before it became empty. It was pathetic. In New Zealand I’m considered, frankly, a “lightweight” at drinking. A new jug started going around. 2 guys had their best try at it, and it was still well over half full. By this stage, I was fed up with the night. Out of spite, I made them give me the jug. I wanted to de-emasculate them. This has to be a low-point in my life. I calmly skulled the whole jug, as my team mates chanted “nyuuji” (New Zealand). The next person to try was encouraged by chants of “Nippon” (Japan).
It was an embarrassment, and I’m glad that that beer made me forget most of the rest of the night. But what I want everyone to remember is: Joining a club! Is not then fail-proof way to get involved!
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