Yes, it was that time of year again. When the flowers come out, and the students you finally care about are replaced with new ones. Last year I forgot to take proper notes of this truly fascinating event, and I wasn't about to make the same mistake again.
The kids had been practicing for a whole week, perhaps longer. All I really know is, I was sitting at my desk reading the Internet. I'm now waiting for the sequel.
The graduating students have been with me my entire time at this school. This was also like my own graduation from this school, although I would have to hang around for another 4 months of dead weight. I was understandably sad.
I prepared for the ceremony by buying a 100 yen white tie. The formal attire for men is a black suit with a white shirt and a white tie. I don't have a white suit, but I thought I had better appear to try to look the part. For 100 yen, everyone is a winner; me, the students and other teachers, and the Chinese labourer who sewed my tie. Some call me a humanitarian, but it was just how I was raised.
I did question the reasoning behind a white tie and white shirt. I guess, as long as the tie is an off-white colour to my shirt, not to mention my face. In the end, I did pull it off well.
A few of the female teachers dressed in several layers of kimono and makeup. They are tied with an "obi", an intricate waist belt tied in such a way to give the subtle impression of a large back-growth, or that they are wearing wedgied, full adult diapers. Sexy.
The other women, including all the parents were wearing black. That, plus the male teachers in their black suits and the tears… it felt like a funeral at times.
Speaking of which, where are the male parents? Or is my town inhabited by the far-east Amazonian tribe?
The gymnasium was decorated in the formal style of a circus tent. Red and white stripes all along the sides. Also, the wooden floor was completely covered with green plastic sheets, taped together, to prevent the wooden floor from getting dirty. Huh? What is that? Why? What is a "mop"? Is it some magical wand that can clean floors? Don't be ridiculous!
A bunch of old people walk in. I think they are supposed to be important because they principal leads them towards the empty seats at the front. But they could just as easily be retirement home war veterans who get the priority seats.
Standing up feels like a divisive policy. It just takes me much longer to stand all the way up, and I always miss the cue. I always look like a fool.
The graduating students walk in, their uniforms 3 years too small for them, and with a corsage on their blazer. They look so… awkward.
A girl and a boy stand up and walk neatly to the front. The bow to the front, turn right towards the war veterans and bow again. It looks like the girl is sniffing the boy's ass. Then they turn the other way towards the principal, and the boy has a go. Am I the only one who finds this funny? I look around. Apparently so. Not even one of the 13 years finds this at all amusing.
All the graduands mechanically walk and bow from their seats to the stage, get their certificate, and walk and bow their way back. The tape deck blasts out a sappy music that sounds like an instrumental version or Coolios's "see you when you get there". I lip synch to pass the boredom.
The principal makes a speech. He is wearing a penguin suit, and really looks the part. I wanted to throw him an umbrella, and he would just fly away. Although I wasn't there, I know for a fact that during the practices, the entire ceremony was acted out with all the students and teachers. Right down to giving the actual certificates, and the principal giving his speech. Hell, the entire speech was on the practice schedule, handed out to all the teachers (and probably the students).
I get bored. My mind wanders into magical realms of other places. I think I need to pee. I shouldn't have had that second cup of coffee in the morning. Oh shit, is he finishing his speech now? Don't make us stand up now, I think I have an erection. Yes, it definitely is. Luckily I was holding my program.
There is nothing like spending the most important day of your 15 year old life so far, listening to old people you don't know from the city government departments talk about how proud they are. They all require we stand up.
The other kids sing some songs. The lyrics are on the program. I think 95 percent of Japanese song lyrics are about mountains, rivers and flowers and symbolic things in nature. The other 5 percent is senseless English. Oh man, I think one of the teachers next to me farted. I wonder if it was the one in the kimono.
The students walk out to the instrumental tune of Auld lang syne, which actually has Japanese lyrics too. Although, they are about fireflies. The veterans are led out. Many glare at me, including the one who appears to have a wooden leg.
It was over. Almost. After half an hour, we all gathered outside so we could wave goodbye to the graduating students as the walk out of the school. Many shook hands with teachers and took photos of me. Only a few of those actually asked for my photo. I felt like the subject of a nature documentary.
This is graduation. I had to repeat it twice more at elementary schools. That 100 yen tie really got some mileage. But really, why was I so sad again?
Oh, that's why...
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