The Even Greater Tokyo Region

Signs.
Don’t worry, this has nothing to do with that crappy film about Mel Gibson doing absolutely nothing when aliens come to earth who are somehow smart enough to build invisible spacecrafts, but not a raincoat.

I want to share a collection of signs that I have seen since recently. Pictures have been used for thousands of years to communicate ideas directly, especially to those unable to read. But sometimes, the iconography becomes so complicated that each picture needs its own interpretation, far beyond the original intended idea that it was supposed to convey.

For instance, look at this board that explains the types of toilets there are. It has simplified and stereotyped people to convey the idea of a man, a woman or a child. You know, the dress for the woman, pants for the man, the child is smaller version of a man. This board also takes no risks and has the idea underneath in written languages of Dutch and Engli sh, just in case the reader is literate. You can never be too sure.

There are two things strange about this sign. First is the Englisch of translating “Women” as “Dames”. I’ll let it slide. Maybe the pictures are there incase their language is wrong.
The other thing, however, I can’t understand. Why is there a family toilet? I have never been a parent, or a Dutch parent, so I could be way off, but I cannot imagine any scenario where a family would have to go to the toilet together. Wouldn’t the parents usually take turns? When would a mother, father and child ever want to take a crap together? Talk about bonding…

Next is this elaborate sign found on a water bus.
Now, this is a very clever sign, using three scenes with cartoon movement-lines to warn of impending danger of falling into the water in scenarios when there is rough water, or when the boat is stopping at a dock (or crashing). Now, as well made as this sign is, by the time you finish deciphering it, you could already have fallen into the water. Why not a simple:
“Beware of rough water” or “Hold onto rails”.

This next one is just a dog taking a crap. It is very detailed in a cartoonish way, with the big Rudolph nose, the floppy ears, and the soft-serve dog shit. And the fact that your dog is encouraged to shit. (This sign is apparently a hot target for young people as decoration for their bedrooms.)
And here is one where your dog is forbidden to shit. Again, there is great attention to cartoon detail, to the point where there are actual flies on the sign. It is clear by the body language that the dog is about to drop one, but sees the red line and decides not to break the law.

This was a sign in Antwerp. Admittedly, the Belsch are known to be a little e ccentric. I have no idea what this sign is supposed to mean. My best guess is: “No cleaning up after your elephant”.

Next are signs where my native English turns innocent signs into joke victims.

Now, I know Holland is a liberal country but… this is going a little bit too far, no?

Somehow, this company name does not inspire me with confidence. I have no idea what they do, but I wouldn’t do business with them, let them into my house or tell them my date of birth.

Brilliant, a button on the tram in case you see nipple. I presume that the driver wil l then slow down for you.

This is a doorway at the public library. Every time someone went near it, I screamed: “Don’t go in there, it might be a trap!”

Here is a picture of me under a 2-metre high sign that says that it is 2-metres high. I have no idea why this sign was here, but it represents that Holland is a country that is tailor made to me. After living for 2 full years in constant fear of hitting my head, this is a fortunate change of circumstances. They say that cricket gives you cancer, and I say that Japan gives you a bad back.

And finally, here is a bonus photo of me embarrassing myself.