"Pointy shoes"

Unless I don't want to be, I am always a people-person. I will always go that extra kilometre to please. Although I no longer want to teach, I do want to educate. That is why, I had to react when I got an email from an unnamed source the other day. He/she wrote:

"Will you send me a picture of you next to a windmill? (preferably wearing pointy shoes...really sorry, what are those called?) Or have a picture with all of the above, with you sticking your finger in a dam. That would be an awesome overly gimmicky postcard!! Too bad it's not tulip season...."

Oh, where to start...

1. Pointy shoes. They are called "santa's little helper boots". Why do people always focus on the shoes? I once read an article of a study that found that the first thing women notice about a man is their shoes. Sure, this friend was a woman, and I guess if they are pointy shoes, that would be fair enough. But there is more to Dutch costume than just the shoes. How about the striped red-and-green tights with the pompom on top?
2. Next to a windmill. Second of all, do people really think that windmills are all over Holland, and that every single town has a windmill? Many towns have several.
   
3. Sticking your finger in a dam hasn't been needed for many years now, and unlike this American friend is led to believe, in Holland is many years ahead in the field of dam-making. Dams don't regularly break anymore.
4. Too bad is not tulip season. Rest assured, that somewhere in the world, it is always tulip season.

So, my point is...



Ah, what the hell.Seasons Greetings!

Silimarities




Japan is famous for the squalid living conditions and tiny box aparthei.. I mean, "apartments" in the big city. It's a tiny country with a huge population. In fact, in the ranking of population densities, it is...32nd? Really? Only 339 per square kilometre? Wow. Holland is 25th, although 18.4% of that so-called land, is actually water. So either, Dutch people are fresh-water mermaids, or the population density is much higher than the 395 /sqkm.

So Dutch people also live in tiny box apartments. I am staying at my Opa's house, which I remembered to be a miserable and cramped human-cage, which, after Japan, I have no problem with anymore. So, Opa picked me up from the airport, and we went home. My god! This place is vast. It was so large, I couldn't see the end of the hallway over the horizon. I wanted to yodel to test out the echo. You need a compass and bushman to find the kitchen.

Wow. So maybe the small apartments isn't a similarity between the two countries.

One thing that hasn't changed is that people try to practice their English with me. This was my biggest peeve in Japan, where many people would see me and refuse to speak Japanese, preferring to use their hopeless English. I looked forward to going to somewhere where no-one presumes I don't speak the local language. I look Dutch enough, and I speak Dutch relatively well. On the surface, I seem to blend in. No-one suspects that I am secretly Japanese.

However, the other day, I went to an information centre at a train station. I asked the kindly lady: "waar is het University visitor's centre?"
She replied, "Go outside, and go left."

Hmm... She was onto me. The lady at the visitor's centre knew too. But how?

Admittedly, I have a childishly limited produceable vocabulary, which leaves me to search for certain words, or if I can't find it, I will talk around it. My Dutch is far from perfect, but my real problem is that my English is perfect.

Apparently 70% of the Dutch population have a working knowledge of English, and there are many English words they use as if it were nothing. For example, "Visitor's" and "Centre". They hear proper pronunciation and know something is amiss. I hope they don't presume I am American or English. I have a plan to try and balance it out, while at the same time, being patronising and slightly insulting without them knowing it.
Next time, I am going to put on my best caricature of a Dutch accent, and ask for the "Fishitorsh Shenterr". They won't suspect a thing. It is time to teach those mermaids a lesson.

Also, today I have a few photos to illustrate the similarities. This is a set of two photos. Discuss and argue amongst each other which you think is from Japan, and which is from Holland. Enjoy!

The Re-beginning

I remember the very first time I traveled back to Holland as an 11 year-old. I remember driving away from Schiphol airport and somehow being surprised that the grass in Holland was also green. Sure, I hadn't learnt about photosynthesis yet, but I was not making a scientific discovery. It was simply an observation that different countries really weren't so different as my cartoon-watching background had prepared me for.

Many people in this world are too keen to focus on the differences between countries and cultures. I too, have been guilty of this in my last two years in Japan. Japan is now behind me, and Holland is ahead of me, but I don't want to continue the banal- and often damaging or disparaging habit of simply pointing out our differences. I would rather talk about the simple universal truths. Sure the grass might be a little greener on the other side, but we all bleed red and we shouldn't eat yellow snow.

So, to start off, I want to write about the things that Japan and Holland share in common, for example, they are both extremely different to each other.

One is big, the other is small.
One is short, the other is tall. (height and nose-wise)
One has gays, whores and grass, the other has none of that, at all.

The great thing about stereotypes is that it doesn't require any original thinking. For me and you. For example, I can say that I live in Holland, less than an hour from Amsterdam. Then I can laugh, as if that was a witty joke. "Haha, it is funny because I am less from an hour away from legally getting high, legally getting married to another man and then being legally euthanised. Holland is great."

Thinking for yourself is hard, man. The only reason I came to Holland is to try get into a Masters Course at University. Leave me alone, Gosh!

But two full days after arriving, I think I am ready to venture outside. I need to get some fresh air while the weather holds. Tomorrow the forecast is looking peachy. Apparently, until tomorrow it has been "typical" Dutch weather, which is apparently similar to "typical Scottish weather" and "typical Toyama weather" and "typical NZ West Coast weather", and any other place that prides itself on crap weather.

So on those rare occasions when I do leave the house, I will be checking how green the grass is, if everybody bleeds red, and generally keep an eye out for the things that show that we are all the same. And that thing is: stupidity.

WWRD?

I never imagined that the month and a half after I stop going to school would be a time where I get schooled myself. Seriously, I never thought that compared to teaching English in Japan, being homeless and jobless could be so hard. I have been so busy these last weeks growing my beard. After all, it is the homeless/jobless uniform.

When I was working, the weekends always seemed so far away. I would be constantly dreaming about friday 5pm, lovingly termed "beer O'clock". Now, every clock is beer O'clock, and weekends are always right there.

So, for my last technical weekend in Japan, I went to the big city, and you can't get much bigger than Tokyo. I just felt that Osaka/Kansai/Kobe just weren't big enough...

I had to say some goodbyes and have some good local food while I have the chance. So I had Russian and Mexican food. I figure if I want to remember what Japanese food tastes like, I will just not cook it and dip it in soy sauce.

The most memorable experience from thisToyko trip was a modern art event. It was the most memorable because it was completely bat-shit crazy, and/or it was one of the more sober moments of the weekend. The highlight was watching a guy paint random lines with black ink while a band played noise. The band consisted of a drummer, a double bass player, a tromboner and a saxaphoney. For at least 30 minutes, they made every possible noise that could come from their intruments, completely independant from each other.
Next, there was a live collage shown on a projector. It was mainly the artist cutting up and scribbling on photos of buddhas. And the foreground music was an electric guitarer, who everybody could agree was very very loud. It was going along well, until the guitarer apparently fell ill with "musicians block", and got stuck on E minor. Without exaggeration, we were able to enjoy this one chord for more than 15 minutes. At the 10 minute-mark, the previous band also joined in to add some much-needed variety.

Obviously, I need to be more cultured and/or more drunk to fully appreciate this sort of thing. So the next day, I went to see an exhibition of Vermeer. This way, I can get the Dutch culture crossed off my list even before I arrive in Holland. Now that is efficiency.

However, I felt that it was my duty to experience some proper Japanese culture before I left. So, last week I decided to get it all out of the way and see ALL of Japan's culture in one day. It was easy enough. I just went to Kyoto and found the temples, took the obligatory photos and suddenly I was cultured. I was so efficient, that I was finished by 4pm, and eating Korean food at 4:30.

The point is, apart from becoming more cultured, and the bruises and scars from drinking, I have very little to show for the whole month of August, and even less from the entire 25 months in Japanland. I have to show for it is a goatee, a confidence to wear more hats, an ex-girlfriend, a taste for Korean food, a couple of songs about Japan/my schlong, and enough cynacism to reclaim Osaka bay.

Okay, so I have regrets. In fact, I have so many of them, that they form their own colonies in unsuspecting victim's chests, waiting for a dramatic moment to erupt. I could've studied harder, been more proactive at school, gone out more with friends, drink less, sleep more, be less cynical, less lazy, less stingy with money, better at saving money, taken more photos, witten more, not waste so much time with writing... As that Baz Lurhmann once said in that dumbsunscreen song, "Your choices are half-chance". I say, regret is whole-chance. It is nothing more than a recognition that things happened in a certain way.

However, from the depths of my time here, I have one piece of advice, one perfect sentence from a 15 year-old student of mine, that I want to share. If everybody followed this advice, I can guarantee this world would be a better place to live. She wrote to me:

ルーベンらしくて過ごしてください　　(ruuben rashikute sugoshite kudasai)

In English, the most accurate translation would be:
"Please spend (your time/life) Ruben-like."

In other words, just ask yourself, "What Would Ruben Do?"

It is a failproof system. These last 25 months are exactly what Ruben would have done. And the next 25 are exactly what he will do, whatever that may be. At the moment, that means going back to Dutchland and going back to school to study art history.

Anyway, so while I keep doing what Ruben would do, I will keep writing what Ruben has done. For the next while, that will be from Holland. I hope you didn't learn too much about Japan or me from Ruben in Japanland. Next time I will be Back in Dutchland. Where eternal Beer O'clock becomes "Coffee O'clock" and I continue the reversing the progress of life: Going back to the country my parents fled, and going back to school- as a student. I amobviously not finished being schooled.