Firstly I want to make it perfectly clear that although Holland is sometimes known as "Danishland", it has nothing to do with Denmark. I have absolutely nothing to do with Denmark; the only thing I know is that they have Legoland and a mermaid sitting on a rock. This lack of knowledge about other countries is exactly what the problem is with our world today. When I mention to people that I visited Belgium, the first thing they say is "Chocolate". Most people think Belgianese (also known as "the Belsch") are a country of oopma-lumpa's who only ever make chocolate. This is just complete nonsense. They also make beer.
So, in order to play my part in making the world a harmonious place just like Micheal Jackson sung about 10 years ago, I'm going to try and inform you all about this wonderful country (Dutchland) and break down existing stereotypes.
Stereotype 1: Sports
Holland is a country of soccer hooligans, just like England.
Although Holland forgot to show up at the last world cup, Soccer (also known as "paying 100 bucks to sit at the back of a 50,000 seat capacity stadium to watch imports kick a ball around"), is unquestionably the most popular sport here. But there are other sports. The start of January saw the world championship Darts competition. It was fascinating, these well pub-trained athletes- fat, balding, beer-gutted men are the Robin Hood's of our era (except they keep the 30,000 pound prize money). This was especially exciting because a 21 year old Dutchman, a mere qualifier, came in and won the finals. I never really knew it was a proper sport. Watching this on t.v. you couldn't help but think how incredibly accurate he was. The camera would then cut to a shot of his girlfriend on the sidelines. Maybe we weren't the world champions in Soccer, but dammit, at least we have darts.
Skating has always been a big sport in Holland. Not the kind of skating where you wear your pants around your knees, but the kind of skating where you wear a body suit that is more revealing than if you were naked. Ice skating is of course a very Dutch thing, as when there is a harsh winter, everyone skips school and work and goes skating on the frozen ditches and rivers. As a sport, it has all the excitement of indy car racing, only without the cars, speed, noise, crashes or any other reason to watch it. But Holland is always good at it, so it's popular. Thats completely natural, I mean, netball is still very popular in New Zealand.
Another sport which is rising in popularity is climbing. Now, if you're familiar with the geography of the Netherlands, you would realise that this is the equivalent of a Jamacian bobsled team. Artificial walls are very popular, but to actually go climbing, you need to go to the next country. Also popular is Handball, a very European sport, very fast, very brutal, but to be honest it just looks like rugbyheads playing basketball.
Anyhow, that is enough for one today. You can't save the world in one day. But I hope I have helped dispel some stereotypes about this country, and saved our saved our foreign embassies from being burnt down. Join in next time as I attack the stereotypes of the Dutch being cheap. Bye for now, or as the Dutch say: "Ghcccgggg" (it is pronnounced exactly like it's spelt).
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