One of the first "cultural differences" I encountered here in Holland was that Dutch people love Schtickling. Maybe you remember my story about the obscene difficulty getting a work permit, despite being a Dutch citizen. The paperwork, the rules, the waiting for letters to arrive in the mail... It made Japan seem "regulation-free". This time, it was an epic 2-month struggle to get my driver's licence.
Not that I really need a driver's licence in Holland, since I don't have a car, and I have free weekend public transportation, but it is always handy to have. And it means I don't have to bring my passport with me where-ever I go. (Officially, everybody always needs to be able to show official ID, I guess in an effort to stop terrorism. Because as everyone knows, a terrorist's ID card always has the word "terrorist" on it.)
Growing up in New Zealand, I have driven since I was 15, and I was in no mood to take another driver's test in Holland. Especially since there is a minimum of 5 compulsory lessons, and a very expensive process. After asking many different people at city hall and the Driver's association about changing my license over to a Dutch one and getting nowhere, I asked a relative who works in the government. He found out that Holland does not accept New Zealand driver's licences. However, they do accept Japanese ones. (I have a Japanese one, although I never needed to take a test for that either.)
That was lucky, I thought.
Step one: Declaration of Health.
Holland is very strict on licencees and will ensure that only the healthy are on the roads. To enforce this, you must buy a 20 Euro health declaration form, and fill it in. If you acknowledge that you are sick, then you must go to a doctor so they can officially agree that you are in fact, sick. I answered all the questions correctly, and posted the form away.
Step two: Pay for the licence application
I forget exactly how much, but it was in the 40 Euro-range. I sent away the application and my Japanese licence.
Step three: Wait
... until they send your new Dutch licence to you. It all seemed so simple. It all seems so long ago.
Step four: Instead of sending the licence, they send you a letter saying they need an official translation of the Japanese licence
Okay... official translation... I mean, it is a matter of translating a few words, which I could explain to them in a few minutes. But no, they need an official translation, with a nice rubber stamp. More costs. Great. I went to to Japanese embassy, hoping they would have dealt with this before. Maybe they have a simple template which would show exactly what a Japanese licence says. But no, they needed to translate it, for 15 Euro. And I had to pay in cash.
Step five: Instead of sending the licence, they send a letter saying that they need proof that I lived in that country for longer than three months, and that I got the licence within the first year.
Now, I wasn's sure exactly what kind of proof that they needed. I guess it is to avoid "licence tourism" where people go to a poor country with bad drivers, and take a quick driving test between scuba-diving and dancing to house music on the beach, and get the licence converted on return to Holland.
I had nice shiny rubber stamps-which Dutch people love- in my passport, but that was my NZ passport, and by now I had a horrible feeling about Dutch "schtickling", that they would then need proof that I was the same person as in the other passport, and that they would need official proof of my employment in Japan, which would require cross-cultural schtickling.
I tried sending an official copy of my passport- including all blank pages. Yes, 40 pages, each with a nice rubbery stamp.
Step six: Pick up the licence from city hall.
Yes, it actually worked! Not that I have a car, or any plans to drive. I might be able to do some courier work, but mostly, I am enjoying having three licences, for which I only needed to take two lessons and two tests over 8 years ago. It makes me feel like this guy:
All I need now is a green-card to be a true international spy, and I'm sure that can't be harder than what I have just been through.
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