The Even Greater Tokyo Region

As if no-one is reading...

Often times I lapse and neglect writing on Back 'n Dutch, or earlier on Ruben in Japanland. I did so earlier this month. It sometimes doesn't seem so important to keep this updated. I mean, not many people read my weblog, and I like it that way. I just like to tell stories in a (hopefully) interesting and funny way to people I know when they are curious about how I am keeping busy.

My most recent lapse this month was due to a combination of being busy with work and with play, and lots of other things that seem so trivial now. For on Friday 17th, my most loyal follower, my Opa died while coming home from a day trip. He had left that morning, but not before checking this site. Of course, I hadn't updated in over two weeks, so probably his last thought about me was one of disappointment.

I know he checked because I can follow the counter on this website, although I always knew with Opa anyway. He would often ask me when I was going to write next. During a particularly long lapse, he even sent me an email asking me to keep writing. I was working on a manuscript at the time, which sadly, he'll never get to read. Despite being my biggest fan, he would never really make comments about what I wrote; it wasn't his style, which is fine by me since I am not good accepting criticism and worse at accepting praise.

Knowing that Opa, an 80 year old, would be reading it, in a way was a kind of censor on my writing. Since he was a retired policeman, I probably wouldn't have written, for example, about how me and my friend who was visiting me from Japan decided to pee into the canals. I mean, I wanted to give my friend the complete Dutch experience. Not that I am in any way saying that I did indeed pee into the canal. But that censorship was probably a good thing. As all the great comedians I admire have shown, that only forces you to be more creative.

Also, despite it being daunting having a grandparent cyberstalk you, you can't ignore the fact that a man in his 80's had a blog-roll. It is pretty amazing how he kept up with all the technology, which I think, he did mainly to keep in touch with family. During the time I have been writing this weblog I have been out of Dutchland, and this is basically the only way we kept in touch. I write. He reads. I know he reads. So the idea that the last time he checked here and it was still the same post about me being stupid and parading around a festival with a rubber Michael Jackson mask on, that stings a little. Only now, I am starting to realise that, his loyalty to reading what I am doing was his way of supporting me in the thing I love to do the most. I love to write, and it saddens me that Opa won't be reading it anymore. I just needed some time to see that in the beginning, I write for myself.

"Write as if no-one's reading
Edit as if everyone is."

Ruben