The Even Greater Tokyo Region

Whoring Around

This may be the most appropriate posting I have made since the change of this weblog to "At Home in Ho-land". Okay, sure, the main definition of a "whore" is somebody that offers sex for money, but in the looser sense (no pun intended) of the word, a whore is somebody that does something that they don't want to do for money.

I have had many posts in the past about interesting places I have worked, and over the last year and a half, I have seen so much, been to very interesting places, and met some unforgettable people. In all, this was a great way to reintegrate into my native country of birth. No question. However, reintegration was my keyword of last year. I have nothing left to learn. See, the problem with being a substitute lunch-lady is that whereever you go, you are new. You are inexperienced. You need to be told what to do. Now, I have a little secret to tell you all, but don't tell any caterers this: "All professional kitchens are pretty much the same". But people who stay in the same kitchen for 10plus years love nothing better than to boss around some new person who will probably never come back again.

One year, sure. I can live with that. But now that I have worked for a good half year longer, I am so close to re-enacting this scene from the classic (ly bad) movie, Half Baked:


Honestly, I can't imagine how good that would feel, but I am close. And when you start having these types of fantasies, maybe you should get out while you still don't have a criminal record.

However, it was confirmed that I am a whore. My pimp called me yesterday and gave me a job, and I accepted. Hey, I figure that 'Whore money can buy just as much food as non-whore money.' Just ask a lawyer (they are all whores, by the way).

So, I biked more than half an hour to go the place where I would whore-out my services. It turned out to at be the European Space science centre (think of a lamer version of NASA). Now, most of the people who work here are most-likely, considerable nerds. (and emperical evidence proved that point to be correct). But they are nerds with money. And nerds with money are vengeful. This is why, I beleive, they forced this completely nerdy uniform onto me. For the first time in my catering career, I felt truly degraded. And I have picked up food after people younger than me knowingly dropped it, I have been on my knees scrubbing floors, I have had rearrange an entire walk-in freezer which took so long that my nipples wouldn't subside for days afterwards. But the shame I felt today at the Space Station, as I tried to attach a clip-on bowtie, that cannot be topped. Wait, Yes it can: they also made me wear a stupid paper hat. But i still did it, because I am a whore. And here is the evidence to prove it.

I once wore a bowtie when I was 17, when as a joke I was performing in a talent quest for over 1000 people. My talent was to juggle two tennis balls while climbing through a stringless tennis raquet. However, on the morning of the event, somebody asked me what I was going to wear. "I don't know", I replied, probably in a teenagery way. But it was suggested to me that I go to the costume store to find something ridiculous to wear for it. So I did, and the "costume" I rented for the event was a white shirt and a bowtie. I repeat: this was the most ridiculous thing I could find to wear - at a freaking costume store! So, yes, wearing this today, was so very degrading.

Now, the only other demographic that wears a bowtie are the Chippendale dancers.

So the question is, is being a stripper better than being a whore? Judging from how quickly I took off that bowtie, I think I know the answer.