The Even Greater Tokyo Region

A main objective of coming to Holland was to relearn the Dutch language. Its a funny thing really. You wouldn´t ever learn Dutch unless you were, in any sense of the word, Dutch. I am very fortunate to have been born in Holland and moved to New Zealand when I was young enough to learn English simply by watching the teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (and the accompanying commercials). Within 3 months I was just another annoying little New Zealand kid, with my Turtle-Power figurines and my Raphael mask.

But I was also lucky that my parents would punish me severely for speaking English in the home. I guess I understood why they did it at the time, but I diddn´t like it. For years I carried my Dutch ability around like a dirty secret. I will never forget the times that my parents told me off infront of my friends. Lets just say, it quickly taught me to never be out of line. There could be no worse possible punishment. But in the end, I more or less kept my 4 year old Dutch speaking ability, never adding much to it. This meant I never was able to win an argument with my parents. My childhood was an unusual case of a language barrier within the direct family.

My time away from Holland slowly ate away at my Dutch like a disease. And thats why I'm here, to get some Dutch therapy. Its difficult to describe my level of Dutch, but the best explanation I have come up with is that it is like I'm missing the part of my brain that stores certain words. I could be talking normally, and in mid-sentence I might stop. The word I want to say just doesn't... you know... its not there. It makes me feel so stupid sometimes, as if I'm the Dutch equivalent to George Bush.

People who speak only one language don´t realise how much their language controls their thinking. English did quickly become my "first" language, but since I grew up with the two languages simultaniously, sometimes I can't separate English from Dutch. I might try and say something a 20 year old might say, but when I adapt it to my 4 year old Dutch vocabulary I end up looking like an idiot. (ie. George Bush). I know I shouldn't worry too much about it, everyone in Holland speaks gooder English than the average New Zealander, and I have been out of the country for 17 years. In Japan noone expeced me to speak Japanese (nor would they believe that I could), but technically I'm not even a foreigner in Holland. I'm just a late bloomer.

In a way, I'm resuming my life in Holland. I´m living once again through the eyes, and ears, of a 4 year old. And yes, 4 year olds do understand everything you say. Especially if its naughty or crude. And boy can Dutch be crude. Its not just the things they say, but how they say it. As Billy Connolly once said, hardly anybody swears properly anymore. But the Dutch, with their comically rolled R´s, and impossibly ground out G sounds... they can make a swearword sound truly offensive. Its fantastic. They can spit a swearword right into your eye. And that is something that, as an influentiable 4 year old, I aspire to.

I figure that just being here is helping the cause. I just need to take in everything around me, and watch a lot of t.v.. I haven't found the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles yet (I did find Spongebob, but his voice is completly wrong). And if I don't improve, then I can rest assured that I have a long political career aread.