The Even Greater Tokyo Region

Princess

To start this new phase in my life, I felt I needed a slight image change. It began shortly after my last day of work, 2 months ago, when I stopped shaving. After all, I was homeless and jobless. It just fits. This doesn't mean that I suddenly turned into a ware-wolf. I was after-all, a late bloomer. But it was nice to be able to display my bum-ness to the world.

Somewhat surprisingly, I was able to grow something that closely resembled a beard. Some even said that it didn't look ridiculous. I will claim that as a compliment. At 23 1/2, I was ready to enter the world of manly men, and yesterday I proudly became the owner of a "beard-trimmer".

Now, I often made fun of Japanese people's inability to use correct English, for example:

What isn't to be loved about Engrish? But to be fair, Engrish isn't purely a Japanese thing. I found this beauty in Korea.

Dutch people are said to be generally very proficient in English, which is a shame. There is so much entertainment value in people making mistakes. However, Dutch people are far from immune from mistakes in English. Instead if "Engrish", I like to call it "Englisch".

Here is a photo of my beard-trimmer set. It is a cordless, rechargeable shaver with two adjustable beard-length attachments, two small brushes, a comb, a battery-powered nostril and ear-trimmer, and a small bottle of oil. Perhaps you noticed the brand name, "Princess".

Great, so the manliest purchase of my life has the word "Princess" on it. If this doesn't register as suspicious to you, you probably speak "Englisch".

Every time I 'manscape' myself, the very manscaping tool I am using is calling me- as Senator Schwarzenegger would say- a "Girly-man". The box advertises the shaver as "Champaign colour", and the company slogan is: "What's a home without a princess?"

Wow. I know Holland is a tolerant country, but I didn't know that tolerance involved calling EVERYONE a fag. I researched the company, and the company website revealed some interesting facts.

• It is a Dutch company.
• It manufactures a complete range of home, kitchen and personal-care appliances.
• It is the world's largest supplier of small domestic products in chrome.
• It uses "genuine Dutch design", as if that is supposed to be a good thing. Is it? "Dutch design" somehow doesn't have the same ring to it as "Swiss design".
• The logo is either a princess' crown, or a skeleton flipping you the bird.
  

So, it is reasonable that this large appliance company applies its name to all its products, and lets face it, appliances are predominantly a girl's domain. My Opa has a "Princess" coffee maker, and this doesn't offend my masculinity. As a general rule, if it is in the kitchen, I can let it slide. However, to have to word "Princess"on a beard-trimmer is a tragic oversight. The only reasons I bought it are:

• I am jobless
• It was the cheapest one available
• It was too funny to not buy

Every time I shave, it will always be a reminder to me that in my attempt to join the manly-world, I have once again failed. And it shows the sometimes humorous attempts of Dutch Englisch. I believe what they meant was, "What's a castle without a Princess?"

Sometimes it is neccessary to spoil yourself like a princess.